AMERICAN GOTHIC
by Heartwings
Summary: A lighthearted tale that starts not too long after Voyager's return, where our heroes set out to become famous authors, only not everything ends up as intended... or does it? J/C PG 13 - about 29,000 words


AMERICAN GOTHIC

Chakotay poked his head into Kathryn's office as he said, "Knock knock! Good morning, Kathryn! How come your door's half way open like that and where is your aide? There's nobody at the desk out there."

Kathryn looked up from a stack of more than a dozen PADDs of all sizes on her desk and gave him an exasperated smile. "My door is open because something is wrong with it and it won't close. I have called maintenance three times and you see the result, so I sent my aide down there to physically drag someone up here to fix it. Oh, I'm sorry, good morning and how was your weekend?"

"It was great, I wish you had come with me."

Kathryn smiled and struggled with a piece of hair that refused to be any place but in her eyes as she poked at something on her computer. "Chakotay, you should know by now that, if a tent and a bug infested sweltering hot jungle are involved, Kathryn Janeway will not be. Besides, I got to spend the weekend helping my mother plant one hundred forty four thorny gooseberry bushes, completely by hand. What Mother is going to do with what I estimate to eventually be approximately fifteen hundred more quarts of gooseberries a year, I do not know. Do you like gooseberries, Chakotay? Doesn't matter, she knows where you live and thinks you're cute, so you will have them coming out of your ears soon enough: jellies, jams, cobblers, pies, wine that tastes dreadful but removes paint and the dreaded gooseberry-kale flax seed smoothies... You can thank me later. How many itchy afghans that don't match your furniture has she crocheted for you since we got back, two… three? I see you have a PADD there, so what can I do for you?"

Chakotay started walking backwards towards the door. "Uh, nothing, just stopped by to say hello and see how your weekend was, that's all. I can see your desk is full, so I'll come back when you're not so busy."

Kathryn opened a drawer, used her arm to sweep the stack of PADDs on her desk into it, sat back, grabbed her coffee and smiled slightly sarcastically as she batted her lashes. "I'm not busy at all! Now, how can I help you, Commander?"

"Uh, oh, well…." he mumbled as he looked over his shoulder and hoped that a maintenance technician, Kathryn's aide, some admiral, a lost cadet or a swarm of sand bats would show up and give him a reason to leave. Kathryn was in a testy mood and, like a blister, she was best left undisturbed to get better on her own. "Uh, Kathryn, did you get the memo about the book?"

She started assaulting her desktop computer. "Memo, what memo? Chakotay, I have a hundred and some messages here since Friday, half of them marked priority or urgent. Look, here, Admiral Paris wants an urgent reply about what color carpet I think they should put in their new family room. Carpet? Carpet is urgent? They haven't even built the new room yet and the damn carpet is urgent? I have been invited to speak at the graduation exercises at Kipperville High School, wherever that is, the officer's mess will close a half hour early Friday night for maintenance and Commodore Dranath is ill and will not be in today. Oh, that's good, means I have another day to work on the DQ tactical course syllabus… that I haven't really started yet because I haven't had time. Chakotay, I don't see anything here about a book, so let me see what you're talking about. Do I have to read something?"

He dropped his PADD, hoping it would break. "Whoops! No, no reading. Don't worry, it's not important, I can talk to you later. How about I go see if I can do anything to get your door fixed right away?" Chakotay fiddled with the PADD and shook it. "Oops, doesn't work, I think I broke it. I'll talk to you later, I'm gonna go down to maintenance and personally drag someone up here to fix your door right now!" he said as he made a mad dash for the door while shadow boxing. "Heads are gonna roll down in maintenance, I promise you!"

"Halt!" she screamed out. "I didn't say dismissed."

He put his hands on his hips. "Kathryn, since when do you actually say dismissed to me? You haven't done that in years." He was right. Except for the sake of protocol when someone else was around, when she was mad or so tired she was flying on autopilot, there was basically no formality or differentiation of rank between them; they didn't need it.

Somehow she got to the door first and snatched the PADD from him. "Look, the PADD works fine now!"

He snatched it back. "Kathryn, you're busy and, unlike the Paris' carpet situation, this is not urgent, so I'll wait until you're in a better moo… that is to say, when you have less urgent business."

She tried to get the PADD back, but he was taller and kept it from her. Kathryn knew how to get what she wanted, so she put her hands on her hips and glared up at the summit of Mount Chakky. "Commander, give me that PADD and that's an order." She reached up and pulled out her collar. "See I have more of these pretty silver thingies on my collar than you do, so I get to give you orders." Her open palm awaited. "Convenient that way, the PADD please, Commander."

"Kathryn," he whined, "come on, it's nothing official, I'll talk to you later." Her extended hand waggled its fingers, so he reluctantly handed over the PADD; waggling fingers were most definitely a precursor to anger. "Kathryn, we have been asked to write a children's story together for a book they are going to compile and sell to benefit the new children's hospital. They asked a bunch of celebrities to do stories that they'll compile into a book. I wanted to talk to you when you weren't so stressed out so that you would agree to do it. I know we still get asked to do a lot of stuff that takes up our own time and I'm tired of that too, but I think it would be a lot of fun and the children's hospital is a worthy cause.

She clicked off the PADD and handed it to him as she sat on the sofa. "I happen to agree, so I would be glad to do it."

"You would?" he asked as he joined her.

"Yes, of course, I love kids, you know that! You really thought I would say no?"

"Yeah," he replied as he fiddled with his earlobe. "When you're in a bad mood you hardly ever say yes to stuff like this. Uh… which is OK, I know you're busy with work and your family and personal appearances and all. I have more free time than you do and would be happy to do it, but they want us to do it together and you're the one that knows about books and all, so I could use your help."

"Chakotay, I read a lot of books, I don't know anything about writing them."

"Sure you do, you're good with words and you still read almost every night before you go to sleep, don't you?"

"Yes, and I have been eating dinner every night for forty some years too, but you of all people should know that doesn't mean I know how to cook one! Chakotay, you're the one that's such a good story teller, all you need to do is make one up and write it down." She stopped and smiled at a thought before she went on. "You told me a pretty good story one night as I recall."

He returned the smile. "Yes, but I couldn't have told that story without you there; you're my muse. I think we can come up with a good kid's story, so how about tonight, are you free?"

"No, dinner meeting with the curriculum committee, sorry."

"Tomorrow night?"

"Um, Tuesday… nope, painters are coming at 1700 to finally paint my apartment, I can't stand all that beige anymore. I want to be there to make sure they do it right and don't damage my things when they have to move them around. Chakotay, can I let you know later?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied as he clicked off the PADD and sighed.

Kathryn could see what was happening and slid over to pat his hand. "Chakotay, I am not trying to get out of this and I realize we have not seen each other much lately except at work. I am busy, but I will make time, it's important and I want to do it. Look, Commodore Dranath is sick today, that has the potential to mess up my whole week because he basically owns me until the project is finished. If he is out more than one day, it obviously means I will have to reschedule a lot of things to suit him. I don't want to tell you I can do it and then have to cancel. As soon as I know I will let you know and, if it doesn't work out during the week, I promise you I will change my plans and stay home and we can do it over the weekend. Deal?"

"Deal!" he replied as they stood. "Kathryn, I was kidding before, but do you want me to go down to maintenance and rattle some chains and get someone up here to fix your door?"

"That would be lovely, be sure to take your phaser," she replied as she stood to look out the window at the fog that was still refusing to burn off. "Chakotay, is there something else?"

"Nope," he replied as he clasped his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels. "I was just waiting for you to say dismissed, Captain."

"Dismissed, Commander," she replied as she gave him a playful swat on the backside on her way back to her desk. He didn't budge, so she said, "Really, Chakotay, I have work to do and I know you do too, so go on."

"Oh, OK, I was just hoping you'd dismiss me again, Captain." He tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably; sometimes dimples simply cannot be controlled.

Kathryn shook her head after he left and started taking all those PADDs back out of her desk. Chakotay was such a flirt and it was getting to her. They had been too busy since their return to spend much off duty time together, but she was now really looking forward to the completion of the DQ project at the academy and the chance to spend more time with him.

=======/\======

Kathryn was right and one sick commodore did mess up her entire week. She worked through lunch on Friday in an attempt to get everything important done so that her weekend would be free. As her aide buzzed her that she had yet another call from someone on her list of people to put through, Kathryn took a gulp of coffee and composed herself enough so that her voice would sound pleasant. As she listened half heartedly to why the work she had sent upstairs an hour and a half ago was not sufficient, Kathryn resolved to take that "you may put through calls" list she had given her aide and shorten it… to nobody. Kathryn pulled up the reports on her computer and tried to think how she could make the requested improvements, totally unnecessary in her opinion, when her aide's voice interrupted her yet again.

"Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay calling regarding the Children's Hospital charity project. Do you wish to speak with him, Captain?"

"No, I'm beyond busy! Oh, no, wait, yes, I need to speak with him, but no more calls after his, please." Kathryn went on as she got up for more coffee. "Chakotay, I'm sorry, I am so swamped, they're not happy with the syllabi I sent up, too vague they say, so I have to flesh them out a bit, I guess, even though they are perfectly fine. See, I told you I can't write!"

The disappointment was apparent in his voice. "Hush, you can so, they're just a committee of idiots! Oh, OK, do you need to cancel tonight then?"

"No, no! I'm sorry, Chakotay, but could we maybe meet at sevenish or so instead of six? I'm not trying to get out of it, I swear, I told you I really want to do the story with you. Dranath's still half sick and in a bad mood and said he'd wait for me to fix them, so I have to do it right now. That would give you more time to fix dinner, will that work for you?"

"Of course, Kathryn, that would be fine. What I planned for dinner won't take long to prepare, I got up early and did a lot of it ahead this morning. I'm pretty close to done here, would you like me to come and help you?"

She launched into an evil laugh. "If you're almost done, I must not have given you enough to do. Note to self, assign Commander Chakotay at least twice as much work to do next week. Yes, if you could help me when you're done, that would be great. There's not a damn thing wrong with the syllabi, Dranath just thinks they're not detailed enough. All I'm going to do is punch them up a bit, I'm not actually changing anything, just adding some adjectives and rearranging, that should make Commodore Verbosity happy."

"OK, I'll be there as soon as I can and we'll get them fixed up fast. It'll be a good warm up for the children's story, fact is we're essentially writing for children now," he laughed.

======/\======

With Chakotay's help, it did not take long to get finished. As Kathryn straightened up her desk, Chakotay searched the office for half finished coffee cups & almost dead plants to water as he tidied up for her. She shook her finger at him as she warned, "Not a word, Commander, you're still technically on duty, but thank you. I've had a bad week, it's not like I had time for housekeeping too. Oh, I wish Dranath would call, he told me to wait for his approval before leaving. It's after 1930, doesn't the man have a life and a family to go home to?" She sat at her desk again and stared at the computer, as if that would make the commodore's message arrive sooner.

"Chakotay smiled as he shoved the last of the coffee cups into the recycler. "Yes, he has a wife at home. I met her at one of those boring receptions, and, if you had too, you'd understand why he likes to work late and why everyone says he has a drinking problem. The woman is horta ass ugly and about as amusing as a dead sand bat. You should have just told him you have a hot dinner date tonight."

Kathryn smiled and scratched her head, "I do? I thought you were fixing me dinner? Chakotay, I tried, but Harry Kim was busy tonight and I don't think he's into cougars anyhow."

"You!" Chakotay exclaimed as he grabbed Kathryn from behind her chair to tease her and came within a pip's width of kissing the back of her neck. "So, you're running around with Harry Kim now, are you? Aren't you old enough to be his mother?"

Kathryn jiggled her computer to make sure it was working and tossed her hair back. "Of course not, I'm much too young and, if I were that old, it would make you old enough to be his father, now wouldn't it? Besides, my spies tell me he and his girlfriend just moved in together. Chakotay, we're eating dinner and then working on the children's story tonight, it isn't really a date, you know. You're technically under my command until the project is finished, so we're not allowed to date."

He sat on the edge of her desk. "Yeah, I know, I was just teasing you, don't worry. What if I resigned? Would you go out with me then?"

"You can't resign, I couldn't possibly finish this project without you!"

"Well, OK, when it's done and we're both reassigned and wouldn't be violating any regs, would you go out on a real date with me then?"

"Chakotay, I'm sure you know I'm very likely to come up for promotion the end of the year and you early next year and I do not want to do anything to jeopardize that for you or me. When this project is finished we should both eventually be transferred to faculty and be under the command of the Commandant of Starfleet Academy. When that happens and we are no longer living in the spotlight, things will be different. In the mean time, we need to be very careful about anything that suggests any sort of impropriety or anything the tabloids could blow into something that it's not on a slow news day. Remember what the press did to poor old Captain Jankovic? He and his career never recovered and it all turned out to be a lie. You know as well as I do we both have some people who don't think too much of us on the promotions review board. As to going out on a date with you in the future, I think we…" Kathryn was interrupted by a text message beep from her comm link. She pulled it towards her, crossed her fingers and read. "Good news, the old coot is happy, we can go home! Oh, hold on, Mom is calling."

Chakotay hopped off the desk. "OK, I'll go get my stuff and I'll be back in a few minutes. Tell your mom I said hi… and thanks for the socks she knitted for me." When he came back in about ten minutes Kathryn was busy packing her brief case. "Kathryn, your door is slow now and rattles, so send maintenance a note right now to look at it and maybe they'll have it fixed by Halloween." As she sat down to do that, he saw her face. "Kathryn, what's wrong, what happened, is everything OK at home?"

She gave him the best smile she could muster. "Chakotay, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm going to have to cancel. I'm so sorry, but Mom has an emergency and has to leave tonight; a very dear lifelong friend of hers is about to pass away and she wants to be there. She couldn't find anyone to take care of the farm on such short notice. Her farm manager is away for the weekend for a livestock show or something or other and my sister and her family and my uncle are gone too, so I have to go do it. I'm sorry to cancel, I really am, but someone has to be there to look after things and take care of all the animals. It's an old fashioned farm, not much is automated, so someone has to actually be there and Mom is picky about who she trusts. I'm so sorry, I wanted to have dinner and work on the story with you, I really honestly did."

"That's OK, Kathryn," Chakotay replied as he sank into the chair opposite her desk. "I understand, it's not your fault and we can find a time to work on it next week."

"Yes, of course," she smiled. "I have a dinner meeting Monday night with the selection committee and I'm sure I can't get out of that and I know you have a lecture to present to the cadets Tuesday night, but maybe we can…" Kathryn was interrupted by the com link. She smiled and punched the button, "Hi again, Mom."

Gretchen was speaking at warp speed as she packed. "Hi, Katie, I'm almost ready to leave and I'm glad I caught you before you left. Oh, I called Earl and he took the kids to a tennis tournament somewhere or other, so he can't do it either and I got the automated reply at the neighbor's, somehow I think they told me one of their grandkids is getting married this weekend or something. Katie, I had an idea! I know you had plans you were looking forward to, Sweetie, and I feel bad about that, so why don't you invite Chakotay to come with you to farm sit for the weekend? I'm sure he'd love to see the farm, he said he wanted to last time I saw him when I was out there, and it's high time he did. You two can work on your story for the children's book undisturbed and it'll be good for you both to get out of the city and into the fresh air, relax and spend some time together. He's a good one, Katie, he's cute and I like him, so you don't you dare let him get away. Take him upstairs, show him your room and maybe the two of you can see just how sturdy that old bed of yours is," she giggled.

"Mother!" Kathryn screeched as she turned red, "He's sitting right here on the other side of my desk!"

"Oops!" Gretchen laughed. "Well, I'm sure he already knows he's a catch AND SO IS MY DAUGHTER! Chakotay, Dearie, would you like to come to the farm and spend the weekend? There's plenty of real food in the house, none of that replicrap, and I'm sure Katie could use your help with things. Not like anyone can say no to me, so how about it?"

Chakotay cleared his throat. "Yes, Ma'am, that's very kind of you. I would be glad to, that is, if it is alright with Kathryn."

"Good, it's settled then," Gretchen interjected before either of them could say anything. "Oh, look at the time, I have to get out of here now or I'll miss my shuttle. Katie, I left a PADD with notes on the kitchen table and please don't forget Macy's medicine. You two just make yourselves at home and thank you so much, I won't worry about a thing knowing you two are there. Got to go, thanks again, bye bye!"

"Well, I guess that settles that!" Kathryn said as she shut down her com link.

"Kathryn, your mom didn't let you get a word in edgewise, so if you wouldn't be comfortable with me staying there, I can always come back home at night and then beam back to help you with the farm work and we could still work on the story."

"What makes you think I wouldn't be comfortable with you there, Chakotay? Hearing that kind of upsets me; you're my best friend and…"

"Kathryn," he interrupted, "If you had wanted me to come help you, you would have invited me yourself."

"Oh, yes, I see what you mean. Mom took me by surprise and, quite honestly, I'm a little frazzled right now and I didn't even think of that. Chakotay, it's an old fashioned farm, almost nothing is automated. The horses' stalls have to be mucked out by hand and that's hard work and there's goats, cows, sheep and so on, a lot of chickens, eggs to be gathered by hand, the dogs and cats and her birds and all those damn gooseberry bushes have to be watered as I don't think Mom has had time to put in an irrigation system yet and it's been dry. You are more than welcome to come, but please understand you'll have to do manual labor that involves manure."

He picked up her briefcase, handed it to her and escorted her to the door as he said, "Well, you always said I could handle bullshit better than anyone, so I suppose I'm qualified to handle the job. I would be happy to help you and I'm sure we'll have a good time and get a really great kids story done too. Come on, let's go home and pack some things and I'll meet you at the beaming station. I'll pack up and bring what I had planned for dinner, so that's one problem solved. It'll be fun, Kathryn, maybe we can have our story take place on a farm? Kids love farms!"

"OK, sounds like a plan, but let's go separately and meet at the civilian beaming station out by the Boli-Burger so we don't run into anyone who might think something is going on. I was serious, we need to be careful even though we're not doing anything wrong. You know as well as I do tongues at Starfleet flutter even when the breeze isn't blowing." She gave him a smile as she waited for her office door to finally make up its mind to rattle open. "Oh, and don't worry, we don't even have a bull."

"A bull?"

"No bullshit!"

=======/\======

Kathryn got to the beaming station first and had to wait almost ten minutes for Chakotay to arrive with so much he could hardly carry it all. She helped him carry it in as she chided, "We're only going for the weekend, Chakotay! You have enough here for a month."

"Thanks, sorry I'm late, but I had to pack up dinner too, remember? I wasn't sure about the weather in Indiana or if we would go anyplace where I needed to dress up, so I brought a lot of clothes and my uniform for Monday if we don't leave 'til then. I also had to stop and get a thank you gift for your mom." He looked at her small shoulder bag. "Kathryn, you don't travel light, how can you get away with just that little bag?" Chakotay reached into one of his bags. "Oh, here, I got these for you, well for our dinner. Happy uh… happy weekend!"

Kathryn inhaled the scent of the small bouquet of roses. "Thank you, they're lovely, but you didn't have to get me flowers, Chakotay. I had an advantage packing because I keep a lot of things at Mom's since I go there most every weekend. I just changed, grabbed a few clothes and my computer and ran. What did you get Mom? I don't think you really needed to get her a gift when she won't even be there and you'll be mucking out stalls and doing chores for her. It's more like she owes you a gift I would think, but she probably didn't have time you get you one, but I'm sure she'll knit you something itchy real soon," Kathryn said with a smile.

He smiled as he rearranged his load. "Well, where I come from, you always take a little gift when you visit someone's home, it's an old custom. I got her some sherry, I heard her say she enjoys it. Your mom has sent me so many things, I felt like I should, because being invited to someone's home is an honor. Come on, get the coordinates in, I'm starving!"

When they materialized in the front yard all Chakotay could do was look up at the old farmhouse and say, "Wow, Kathryn! What a neat old house and it's much bigger than I thought it would be, so warm and welcoming, it's beautiful!"

"Thank you. It's the lights, it looks much bigger at night for some reason, I think because it's white and it's so dark at night way out here in the country. The house looms out of the darkness, but in a good warm welcoming way! Here let me help you carry some of that in. If you wouldn't mind starting dinner, I'll check Mom's note, see what needs doing and do it. This late I'm sure she fed everyone, so I just need to check that all the animals are OK and where they should be for the night. Oh, I should warn you, the dogs are friendly and will probably lick you to death, so just tell them to stop if they get to be too much. The cats, well they're friendly too, but it's not like cats take orders, so you're on your own. Oh, and watch out for the little tuxedo kitty named Squirrel, she steals things. All the animals here are very friendly, the livestock are essentially pets too."

After the two dogs, three cats and a cage of cute little birds greeted Kathryn and Chakotay, she showed him to the kitchen and went to check on the livestock and make sure they were tucked in for the night. It was a lovely warm evening, so she opened up the house and wiped off the table on the porch so they could eat dinner out there. True to form, Chakotay prepared a wonderful dinner and they spent an hour enjoying it while Kathryn related the history of the house and made sure Chakotay knew the names of all the pets. With that done and the dishes taken care of, they each got another glass of wine and sat on the glider on the porch to start working on their story.

Kathryn started, "Well, Chakotay, you're the story teller, so what ideas do you have and how long does it have to be?"

"You saw the letter, it didn't specifically say, it just said an original short story suitable for pre school children. I'm assuming they want stuff you could read to them at bedtime, something like that. What were your favorite stories when you were little?"

Kathryn yawned. "Flotter, of course, and I liked the Space Squad Sisters stories too and, oh, I adored the Historical Hounds series. I think Daddy read me the one about the Irish settlers at least a thousand times and Phoebe and I cried until he got us a real Irish 'settler' and, as you see, there's still a couple of them here and I intend to adopt one once I buy a house and settle down. What about you, what story books did you like?"

"Gosh, my parents hardly ever read to us, they just told us stories from their heads. We have more of an oral story telling tradition back at home; you tell kids stories, you don't read them stories. Reading is for when there is nobody there to tell you a story. A lot of them were traditional tribal myths that all kids learn, but I think my sister and I liked the story my grandmother always told us about a magical flying nanny the best. That one might be good, it works for very young kids as well as older ones too."

"Oh, Mary Poppins? We can't use that, it said it has to be an original story."

"Mary Poppins? Who's that? It was original, Grandmother made it up herself."

"No, she didn't," Kathryn grinned, "That's Mary Poppins, it's an old Earth children's story, dates way back to the nineteenth or twentieth century, I think."

Chakotay seemed a bit miffed. "Maybe that one does, but it's not the same as the one Grandmother told us; it was a story she made up just for us, she said so. It was called Nanny Tuppence."

Kathryn rolled her eyes and grinned, "Uh huh, she made it up? How does it go?"

"Yes, she did!" he insisted. "She told us she did and it's not like my own grandmother lied. Well, Nanny Tuppence was a nun in old time Tower City and she could fly."

"She could fly, a flying nun? Who would believe that?"

"Yes, she could, it was a children's story, remember? Quit interrupting, Kathryn! So, Sister Tuppence wasn't so good at the convent and kept fouling up things there, so the abbess sent her to be the nanny for an Indian family with two kids, named Chakotay and Sekaya, of course. She did a great job, but her flying and all her magic tricks got her into trouble, so the kids' parents sent her back to the convent in Tower City."

"They did?" Kathryn giggled.

"Yes, but she was even more trouble when she went back because she kept trying to get the choir to modernize and sing popular Risian music and she went surfing too, I think. She was tiny and so she'd get caught up in the wind and fly sometimes when she didn't even mean to. Her old fashioned robes made her like a giant kite when she spread her arms, you see. Anyhow, she was flying around singing songs and was late to prayers again and that really cheesed off the abbess, who thought Sister Maria Tuppence was a terrible problem. So… the abbess sent her to Bajor to be the nanny for a widower modern major general with seventeen children. The kids were horrible and played all kinds of tricks on her because she was like the tenth nanny the general had hired. Anyhow, Nanny Tuppence had even more clever tricks than the children did and also the power of good magic, so the kids eventually decided they liked her and she was happy because she taught them to sing the Risian songs that got her into trouble at the convent. The modern major general was very happy too because he learned to appreciate what wonderful talented kids he had and…"

"And let me guess," Kathryn interrupted, "He fell in love with Nanny Tuppence and married her, but they had to flee the Nazis in the middle of the night, so they walked through the mountains singing..."

"No, it was the Romulans, and they hid in a pear orchard and Nanny Tuppence ended up being the Queen of Genovia, but how did you know?"

"Lucky guess? Chakotay, trust me, your grandma may have told you she made that up, but it's an amalgamation of several old Earth stories, mostly The Sound of Music and Mary Poppins and some operetta I can't recall the name of."

"Kathryn, I have never heard of Mary friggin' Poppins! My grandmother never even went to Earth, I don't think she traveled more than one hundred kilometers from where she was born in her whole life. She made it up, she was a master story teller and all the kids adored her." He leaned back and smiled proudly. "I got my story telling genes from my grandma!"

"Chakotay, didn't you tell me once your grandmother was kind of crazy and had a drinking problem?"

"No, that was my grandfather," he corrected.

"Oh, OK. Maybe your grandmother said she made them up, but she had to have gotten her stories from old Earth because they're the same. Chakotay, they may have been passed through the family, but obviously at some point in your past, your ancestors lived on Earth and came to know those stories. Somewhere some generations ago, someone brought some stories from Earth and they got all mixed up. It doesn't make them any less special or charming, but we obviously can't use that one or any part of it for the book. If I recognized it after so many years, others will too, probably children even more so."

Chakotay was crestfallen. "Oh, OK, I guess you're right, but you have to admit sometimes cultures do develop very similar myths and stories totally independently. For example, the Onajacan tribes of the Dreyan home world and the indigenous Rakakonians from…"

She cut Mister Anthropology off. "I believe you, but considering we both essentially know the same stories and your ancestors came from the same planet as mine not all that long ago, I think it's more logical they somehow got to your Grandma the same way I know of them. You have to admit singing nanny nuns that fly is a pretty specific thing and the combo is probably unique to American or English culture… that your grandma or her ancestors were undoubtedly exposed to as well."

"OK, well then, how about we write about something from the Delta Quadrant?" Chakotay suggested.

Kathryn polished off her wine. "Nope, you know the gag order, anything we do will have to be cleared by Starfleet Security and we are not allowed to write or say anything in public about the DQ until it's been declassified; it's strictly off limits right now."

"Yeah, but what if we really change and sugar coat it so they'd never know. Would you like more wine, Kathryn? I did bring two bottles."

"No thanks. Chakotay, I am really tired, so could we maybe sleep on it and then get a fresh start and work on the story tomorrow?"

Chakotay yawned along with her. "Truth be told, I'm tired too, my creative juices stopped running twenty minutes ago. I had a rough week at work, my boss is a real slave driver!"

"Is that a fact? Well, let me show you where the guest room and all is and please let me know if you need anything, which you couldn't possibly considering how much stuff you brought. We'll both feel better and more creative in the morning and can come up with something really good."

======/\======

The next morning Chakotay awoke a little later than he had hoped to and hurried to dress as he blamed it on the time change and being so tired the night before he forgot to set his alarm. Creeping down to the kitchen quietly, he felt the coffee maker and it was cold and the kitchen was in perfect order as he had left it the night before, so Chakotay knew Kathryn was still in bed. He found the kitchen well stocked, so he set about making all Kathryn's favorite things for breakfast to surprise her. While waiting for the muffins to bake in a slow old oven he suspected probably predated Kathryn, Chakotay looked out the windows of the large sunny kitchen and got his first daylight glimpses of the farm. What he saw made him smile. Kathryn wasn't kidding when she said it was an old fashioned farm, for it looked like something he had only ever seen in pictures. There were several out buildings and he could see orderly rows of crops in the distance, a lush green pasture with various animals grazing, a huge vegetable garden that appeared to be coming along well and an old red barn with chickens running around it.

Noticing that Kathryn's mother at least had a state of the art warm stasis unit, Chakotay decided to go ahead and make the omelets now as, with a unit like that, they would come out perfectly no matter how long it was until Kathryn got up. Her week had been tough, so she was entitled to get some extra sleep. As Chakotay moved the things around in the cold stasis unit to see if he could find any fresh mushrooms, he accidentally knocked the bowl of eggs off the shelf onto the floor. He tried to save them and managed to juggle one, but smashed it against his leg as he tried to grab it. As he cleaned up the mess he had made, Chakotay groused, "Oh great, what a way to start the day! Well, there must be a hundred chickens running around the barnyard and I know Mrs. Janeway said she raises eggs, so there must be more eggs where these came from." Chakotay found a suitable basket on a shelf, grabbed it and headed towards the barn, figuring a half dozen eggs would be plenty for now and it wouldn't take long to gather them.

When he arrived at the barn there was a collection of all sorts of chickens, in most every size, shape and color, running around and they seemed quite tame as some of them came right up to him and started pecking at his pants legs. He quickly reasoned it was probably because they were hungry and thought he was there to feed them and not because they were attacking him. He had never really been around chickens and knew they were not dangerous, but all their flapping and pecking somehow made Chakotay feel uneasy. The barn was much larger than it looked from the house, he could now see it looked like the large old original barn had been added onto several times over the years in a rather haphazard fashion. The chickens seemed to be coming and going from every part of the barn, so they gave no clue as to which section would contain their nests. The first door he tried was obviously a storage room for saddles and such, no chickens or eggs in there. The next door was locked, but he could see some tools through a crack, so again no eggs. The third door he tried led to a large area accessible to the pasture and there were chickens all about.

"This looks better," he said as he saw chickens scatter every which a way as he stepped in. The space had a small area near the door with a cement floor that contained several large stasis containers and a tall neat stack of hay bales. Peering into one of the containers out of curiosity, Chakotay pulled up a handful and saw what must be the feed for the animals as it looked like a mixture of grains. He opened a small gate and entered the large sheltered corral. The corral had a single gate open to the pasture beyond and it was lined with some sort of thick bedding material, so finding the eggs would not be easy. He remained still for a few moments, figuring the chickens would soon settle, return to their nests and make his task easier. They kept darting this way and that, fluttering about, until Chakotay finally realized most animals were smart enough not to show a predator where they kept their nests and young hidden.

As he turned to walk back to the gate, several goats materialized out of nowhere and stood between Chakotay and the gate. They were cute and spotted, with bright blue eyes and very inquisitive expressions. All of them wore little collars and looked friendlier than the two Irish Setters, so he reached out to make friends. "Hi, little guys, how are you? Ouch!" he screeched as the smallest one bit him. He looked at his hand. "Ow, jeez, I'm bleeding! You're cute, you looked friendly. Who knew goats bit people? You are goats, right?" Chakotay moved towards the gate to get out of the barn. "Look, guys, I'm real sorry I upset you, I'll get out of your house right away, I was just looking for a couple eggs." After three steps the goats moved to block his path, so he stopped. "C'mon, just let me out and I promise I will never come in here again. Nice goat, careful with those horns! Oww, dammit!" he exclaimed as he got butted in the rear. "Sorry I swore, but that wasn't nice and Kathryn said all the animals here were tame and friendly, like pets. Yeeooouch!" he screeched as a black goat charged and gave him a head butt that made him wonder if he would ever be able to be a father. Chakotay held one hand over his rear and used the other to protect the family jewels as he realized the goats had blocked his escape and were circling in for the kill.

"Oh great, reinforcements!" Chakotay exclaimed as a group of cows rushed past and examined the gate he now noticed he had apparently left open. As he watched a cow somehow squeeze through the gate and start nosing the food storage units, Chakotay was accosted by a large brown and white cow that insisted on licking his hand with the largest and most disgusting shaggy gray tongue he had ever seen and then she started working her way up his arm. Fearing for his life, he ran towards the gate that led to the pasture, only to be met by the largest horse he had ever seen in his life. "Oh shit, you're huge, your feet are bigger than dinner plates and I bet you bite too." He quickly surveyed his options. Horses were clustered around the sole gate to the pasture, more animals were moving towards the barn from the pasture, cows and goats filled the feed storage area, blocking the barn door, angry chickens were assaulting from every direction, and the cow with the oral fetish was trying to lick off his shirt while the black goat apparently did not understand that humans had some parts that they preferred to keep private. Seeing his life flash before his eyes in barnyard hell, Chakotay made a break for the only option he could see to save his life.

Several cows went through the gate and poked and pawed at the feed containers, but were unable to open them. Two of the goats also tried, but were not tall enough, so they set to pulling the hay bales apart into smaller portions and dragging them off. The giant horse tried and tried, but he was too large to fit through the gate to the feed area, as it was designed for humans to use and not livestock. The horse finally gave up and moved aside to watch the other animals try to break into the feed as he chased a couple goats from a nice flake of hay, content with a consolation prize. The black goat that tried to castrate poor Chakotay darted into the feed area as soon as the big horse left and it wasn't thirty seconds before he had the stasis container open and the cows had kicked it around and spread feed all over the floor. The cows, by virtue of their size, were also able to keep most of the other animals from the feed, so all the others got were stolen mouthfuls here and there. Upset he couldn't really enjoy the spoils of his labor, the goat moved off and poked around. The goat, to his great enjoyment, he discovered that, while it was closed, the door to the barn was not latched. One poke with his muzzle opened the door and the goat forgot all about trying to steal feed from the cows and trotted off to freedom. Any other animal that could fit through the gate joined him and so did the cows once they had eaten all the feed and were unable to open any other containers.

Liberated, most of the animals headed for the vegetable garden, knowing it was full of delicious treats, all arranged in neat little smorgasbord rows. As Chakotay clung to the top of the pole that supported the roof in the center of the shed, the gigantic carnivorous horse from hell leaned against it for a nap, the hens up in the rafters cackled at his predicament and anointed his head with chicken shit at will.

======/\======

Kathryn trotted up the lane that led to the farm, smiling to herself as her horse that could seemingly barely put one foot in front of the other was now heading up the hill so fast she had to use the reins to keep him in check. She gave the horse a pat on the neck as she said, "You know, Java, if they'd let you run towards home, you could win any horse race! OK, let's get you back to the barn and how about a nice sponge bath and then…." Kathryn and Java stopped dead as they saw the yard full of goats and most of the horses and cows as well. "What the hell happened here? Oh my heavens, I must have left the gate open when I took you out of the pasture!" Kathryn urged her horse on towards the gate and hopped out of the saddle. She scratched her head as she found the gate securely latched, just as she was sure she left it. She grabbed some rope, rode back down the lane to the gate at the end, shut it so at least the animals would not get out onto the road and galloped back up the hill to start rounding up a couple dozen animals from her mother's yard.

Before long she realized she was chasing after the same goat she had already put back once and looked for their escape route as she put the goat back again. It only took about thirty seconds for the goat to run into the shed, through the gate, out the barn door Chakotay had left open and off to freedom for the third time. "Aha!" Kathryn exclaimed as she slammed the door shut and latched it. "How the hell did that get open and then the gate too? I know it was closed up last night and I didn't go through it today. Oh my gosh!" Kathryn got back on Java and did her best to play cowboy and, after almost an hour, finally had all the animals safely back behind the fence. Poor Java was exhausted, so she cooled him off, gave him a bath and an appreciative hug before she put him back in the pasture. Truth be known, Kathryn snuck out of her mother's welcome home from the Delta Quadrant party about ten minutes after she got there to go see Java before she had even hugged the majority of her human friends and family.

With Java safely put away, Kathryn went to assess the damage in the feed area and see if she could figure out how the animals had managed to get both a gate and a door open. She tried the latch on the door several times and it worked perfectly. Scratching her head, Kathryn went in and surveyed the mess. All of the hay bales had been ripped to shreds and dragged all over. Thankfully only one feed container had been broken into, but it was a lost cause and Kathryn tossed it out the door as she put the others back into place and got a broom to start cleaning up. She checked the latch on the gate to the corral and that also seemed to be in perfect working order. Java had come into the shed, so Kathryn tossed the hay she was cleaning up over the fence to him as she asked, "Java, I know it wasn't you, but how did both the gate and the door get opened? I didn't come through them and everyone was where they were supposed to be when we left, so they had to have somehow gotten open while I was gone. I bet Twinkie did it, she's the smartest and most mischievous goat in the world. Speak if the devil!" Kathryn exclaimed as the goat in question came into the shed. "Did you cause all that trouble, Twinkie?"

The goat walked over and nuzzled Clyde. Kathryn looked at the huge Clydesdale horse and laughed. "Nice try, Twink, but Clyde is much too big to fit through this gate or the door, so he couldn't possibly have done it. All of the draft horses and the larger cows are innocent, that much I know. I bet you did it, Twinkie."

"He did."

"I knew it! What, wait a minute!" Kathryn screeched as she spun around, dropped her broom and put her hands on her hips. "Huh? Horses don't talk!" She looked around and didn't see anyone, so she grabbed her broom again, thinking she must be hearing things because she hadn't had breakfast yet and her blood sugar must be low.

"That damn demonic black satanic beast of a goat from hell let everyone out."

Kathryn put her broom aside and went to stand in front of the huge horse as he lowered his head enough so she could scratch his ears. "So, Clyde, tell me, Twink really did something that stupid that let almost all of the animals out? Does she have any idea how much damage they did to Mom's vegetable garden and what could have happened if any of you had gotten down to the road and how long it took Java and me to round everyone up?"

"That damn goat did it!"

Kathryn gave the horse a hug. "Well OK then, Clyde, I believe you, but what do you say we see if Chakotay would like to come down from the top of that pole and explain how a goat could open two magnetic livestock locks that will only open if they detect human DNA?" Kathryn, of course, knew Chakotay had been clinging to the top of the pole for life the whole time and she finally looked up, ineffectively stifling a grin. "Come on down, Chakotay. Let's go get some breakfast and you can explain what happened and we can deal with it after we eat."

He no longer had feeling in his arms and was more than ready to come down. "OK, Kathryn, move that horse and I'll come down."

She laughed. "He's harmless, just climb down onto his back and then slide down his neck & he'll lower his head to the ground. It's the easiest way."

"NO WAY!" he shouted, "Move that behemoth of a carnivorous beast, he bites!"

Kathryn scratched Clyde's forehead as she said, "Chakotay, don't be silly, he's the gentlest animal on the farm and he's almost as old as I am. When my sister's kids are here, they all get on his back at once and they ride him around all by themselves; he's very safe and gentle and he does not bite!"

"He does too! Every damn thing on this farm bites!"

Kathryn had plenty of time. "Keep saying stuff like that and I will be another thing on this farm that bites! How could you say such things about a sweet old horse like Clyde? Chakotay, back on New Earth you told me you loved horses and loved to ride and used to ride all the time back at home. You told me how much fun it would be for us to go riding together some day."

"I meant on the merry-go-round!" He started sliding down and tried to use his feet to push himself back up the pole. "I lied, Kathryn, OK, I lied. There weren't any horses on New Earth and I figured I'd never have to go riding, OK? My ancestors were not allowed to bring any non-indigenous animals when they settled Trebus and they don't have anything like horses there, so I've never been on a horse and I don't know anything about them and never even saw one for real until my first visit to Earth. That one down there is bigger than a shuttlecraft and he terrifies me and those camels over there in the corner bite too and they're laughing at me. Please move the horse so I can come down, please?"

"Chakotay, those are llamas and alpacas, not camels, but I do suspect they are laughing at you. Mom raises them as pets and clips their hair to make her yarn for all that itchy stuff she knits and crochets." Kathryn was having fun now. She playfully tapped her chin with her index finger as she said, "Hummm, and didn't you also tell me you practically grew up on your grandparents' farm and knew all about farming too? Didn't you say you would help gather the eggs with your grandmother and they raised all their own vegetables?"

"Yeah, well, they had cute little pet ningo birds and they did lay eggs sometimes and I helped Grandma clean the cage and she would have me take the eggs out. They had some planter boxes on the balcony where they grew medicinal plants and we'd go gather vegetables… in a cart at the supermarket. Come on, Kathryn, I can't feel my hands anymore and, if I fall from this far up, I'll break something for sure. I lied, Kathryn, I told you, I lied. I figured we'd never leave that planet and you'd never know and I had planned to read up on that farm stuff while you were off bug hunting, but I never got around to it. It was dumb, I'm sorry, I just wanted you to like me, to have more in common with you and to impress you. You said you hated all that pioneer farming and gardening stuff anyhow, so I figured you didn't know that much and I could get away with it. When you said you were from a farm, I thought you meant a modern one and not this agrarian antiquity, no offense, and I had no idea the farm thing would be so difficult and complicated. My grandparents lived in apartment in the city by time I remember and, you're right, I lied and I don't know a damn thing about farms. I do really know about woodworking and medicinal plants and some stuff like that, but I don't know as much about camping and survival skills as I implied and I don't know about farms."

Kathryn sat down in the straw and started buffing her nails on her jeans. "I see. Anything else you'd care to tell me?"

"I'll tell you anything, just move the horse so I can get down."

"He's asleep, Chakotay. He's old, he sleeps a lot. I told you, just slide down onto his back, he probably won't even wake up. Uh, is there anything you'd like to say about how all the animals got out?"

Chakotay grunted as he tried to get a better grip. "Kathryn, I have about three kilos of chicken shit in my hair from those birds up in the rafters, I can't hold up my weight anymore. OK, the truth. I was fixing breakfast and I accidentally knocked over and broke all the eggs, so I came down to the barn to get more. With so many chickens running around, I figured it would be easy to find five or six eggs. Yeah, right! While I was looking for them, that goat-devil and some cows and that giant horse from hell attacked me and then they all escaped. I climbed up here to save my life."

Kathryn blew on her nails and then grinned. "Chakotay, how did Twinkie open the gate and then the door? Like I told you, the latches on the gate and door are magnetic livestock locks and only open if they detect human DNA on the touch pad. The animals can't open them, so you had to have left both of them open. Chakotay, what does that sign on the gate you came through to get in here say?"

"Caution, dangerous attack trained vicious carnivorous animals?"

"Humph! It says 'BE SURE TO LOCK THE GATE BEHIND YOU'. Everyone knows the first rule on a farm is that you always make sure to secure doors and gates behind you."

"Kathryn, like I told you, I have never been on a real farm like this before, OK? The thought of coming in here to find eggs terrified me and I guess I didn't see the sign and I closed the gate behind me, but it must not have latched. I swear, I did not let the animals loose on purpose, I would never endanger an animal, I don't even eat them. A cow went out and then some horses and the goats or sheep or whatever they are and, I don't know, one of them yelled 'escape!' and they all came running and took off for the hills. They were attacking me and I climbed up here to save my life. That's the truth and there's no way in hell I'm climbing down on that horse, so please move him and let me get down."

Kathryn admired her nails. "Anything else you'd care to confess?"

"Yeah, I cheated on a math test in third grade, I used to steal Boothby's flowers to give my girlfriend back at the academy and I was lying when I told you that green and yellow outfit of yours doesn't make your butt look big. Oh, and your oatmeal cookies suck, I was just being polite."

"Really?" Kathryn asked as she got up and headed for the door. The goats, anxious for more fun, followed her, but she made great ceremony of securely closing the gate behind her as she headed for the barn door. "Anything else?"

Chakotay looked down at the horse and started sliding downwards a bit as he scrambled to stay up the pole. "Kathryn, where are you going? Look, I'm sorry, it was an accident. Please don't leave me here! OK, OK, I'll confess! I used to 'accidentally' leave my PADD in your quarters sometimes on Thursday nights and shove it down in the cushions of your couch so I'd have an excuse to come back to get it and, hopefully, get to see you in your robe or, better yet, that pink nightgown that I only ever got to see hanging on the hook in your bathroom, OK? I'm the one that deleted your 'Lord Barney', or whatever the hell it was holodeck program, and made it look like a cascade failure 'cause I was jealous and I cheated at cards once and won a mess of replicator rations from Tom Paris and Harry Kim and sometimes I don't wear regulation socks with my uniform and…"

Kathryn turned and put her hands on her hips. "Chakotay, as much as I'd like to let you go on to see what else you'll tell me, I can see you're having a hard time and I don't want you to get hurt, so I'm going to the tool shed to get the ladder. That post is old, if you try to slide down, you'll get splinters, especially down at the bottom where they've chewed on it. Just hold on, I'll be right back."

"Yeah, sure, take your time, I'll be right here." Chakotay looked down after she left. "Come on, horse, move! How come she sat down right in front of you and you didn't try to kill her? Why do you hate me? It's not my fault you were too big to get out too and, anyhow, you got to eat a nice snack, thanks to me. Oh, I wish she'd hurry up, I gotta pee! She'll probably hate me now that she knows I lied to her and it really wasn't nice of her to use my predicament to make me spill my guts. Damn, I keep forgetting she's also Captain Janeway and she can make the Borg Queen piss in her pants… speaking of which, I hope she hurries! Joke's on her anyway, if she'd ever show some cleavage and open a second bottle of wine after dinner one night, I would probably tell her anything! At least I didn't tell her about failing the test for my driver's license twice, having to take my cousin to the prom because I couldn't get a date, that I was almost four before I was potty trained or that, the first time I got drunk, I puked, passed out and had a tattoo on my ass when I woke up."

The barn door finally banged open. "Here we go, have you down in a second. I don't know about you, but I'm absolutely starving!" Kathryn led Clyde away and placed the ladder against the pole. "OK, it's just under your feet, I'll hold it steady, come on down." Chakotay was so grateful when his feet hit the ground he moved to give Kathryn a hug, but she ducked away just in time. "No offense, but you're filthy and you stink. How about you go take a shower and put on some clean clothes and I'll have breakfast ready when you come down stairs?"

"OK, but, if it's all the same to you, let's not have any eggs, OK?"

Kathryn giggled as she turned back. "Eggs, I almost forgot! You go on ahead, I'm going to go get a couple eggs. You don't have to eat any if you don't want to, but I love fresh eggs and they're one of the few things I can cook without the smoke detector going off."

Chakotay needed to use the bathroom so desperately he did not argue. He ran to the house as fast as he could and flew up the stairs.

======/\======

After he had showered, dressed and made himself presentable, Chakotay hurried into the kitchen as he said, "Good morning, Kathryn! Let's see if we can start this day again and do better, OK?"

"OK by me," Kathryn replied as she poured him some coffee. "Actually, my day was going quite nicely. I woke up very early and you were still asleep, so I decided to go for a ride down to the old quarry before doing the chores. It was a lovely morning until I got back, rode up the driveway and saw all the livestock ravaging Mom's garden."

"Not all, the big horses and those real fat cows didn't get loose. Kathryn, when I got up, your door was closed and I went down to the kitchen quietly and the coffee maker was cold, so I thought you were still asleep. I was going to make you a nice breakfast to surprise you and I needed eggs and, well, you know the rest. How did you manage to get dressed and out of the house without coffee?"

She smiled. "I have a Caff Pro 5000 coffee delivery system in my room, of course. I have coffee waiting for me as soon as my eyes open, I don't even have to get out of bed to get it."

"Oh, I should have known. Kathryn, do I smell smoke? You said you could make eggs without burning them."

She thumped his plate down in front of him. "I did and these eggs are perfectly cooked, so eat them. What you smell is from whatever you left in the oven that burnt beyond recognition. The kitchen was full of smoke when I came in, so there must be something wrong with the fire safety system or else Mom shut it off and forgot, she does that sometimes." Kathryn got the muffin pan and tossed it on the table. "Did you happen to pack a phaser in all that luggage you brought? Maybe you can use it to clean Mom's favorite muffin pan? I ran it through the sonic pot cycle three times and it won't come clean; I'm pretty sure it's ruined. It was an antique too, I think it belonged to her great grandmother, it's been passed down for eons along with the secret pumpkin walnut muffin recipe. Mom is going to be upset, but probably not as upset as she'll be when she sees the garden."

"Kathryn, it was an accident, I'm sorry. I was making caramel pecan muffins for you because I know how much you like them and, like I said, I accidentally knocked over the eggs after that and went to get more thinking it would only take a couple minutes and, well, you know the rest. I completely forgot I had put the muffins in the oven, I'm sorry. OK, you know I lied and my only previous experience with farm animals before today was a trip to Old McDonald's Petting Farm one summer when we visited my cousin on Earth when I was seven or eight. Look, here, one of them bit me and those things with the horns tried to castrate me and I climbed up that pole to save my life, I swear. I have bruises on my butt and wounds from chicken bites on my legs, Kathryn, I really do. You need to see them to believe me?"

"No thanks," Kathryn replied as she tried to plop some oatmeal into bowls, but it wouldn't leave the spoon no matter how hard she shook it. She got a spatula to scrape it off and finally managed to get it off by thumping the spatula against the bowl. "Here's your oatmeal and chickens don't have any teeth, so they can't possibly bite."

He pulled up his pants leg. "The hell they don't! Would your mom happen to have a dermal regenerator?"

"Sorry, no, but I think there's a brand new first aid kit under the sink in the hall bathroom. Want more eggs?"

"No, no, I'm upset about what happened, I think, I'm not really hungry. Look, Kathryn, let me take care of cleaning up the kitchen and then we can go to the store and I will buy whatever is needed to replace what was ruined and I will spend the rest of the weekend doing the best I can to repair the damage. How bad is the garden, can it be fixed or replanted?"

Kathryn gave up on her oatmeal and pushed it aside. "How come it doesn't come out all in one piece when you make it? Mom has shown me how to make it a dozen times and it always comes out like this. Damn, even that idiot Neelix could make oatmeal! Chakotay, to be honest, I have not looked at the damage that closely, I was too busy trying to get everyone back to the pasture and then I hurried to the house to make breakfast because it's late now and I still have chores to do. That's probably why the animals all rushed in, they thought you were there to feed them and they got excited." She took the last bite of food off her plate and giggled. "You should understand, as I recall you'd get pretty excited when I called you for dinner back on Voyager."

He hid the rest of his rubbery overcooked eggs under his napkin as he said, "Yes, but it wasn't the food that got me excited, Kathryn, it was the sexy cook."

She rolled her eyes. "Uh huh. I learned a lot about your level of honesty today, Chakotay, so you will forgive me if I add a few grains of salt to what you say."

He resisted the temptation to say a few grains of salt was what her cooking almost always needed. "Kathryn, that's the truth! I admit I have lied to you about some little things to be polite or to not hurt your feelings, we all do that, but I have never lied to you about anything important. You can ask me anything you want and I promise I will tell you the truth and I have never ever lied to you while on duty, about anything important or when you asked for the truth." She didn't seem to be listening, so Chakotay started clearing the table and putting the dishes on the counter, knowing it was usually best to let her cool off a bit before trying to run damage control.

Kathryn put her coffee cup on the counter and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry, Chakotay, I love most of those animals like family and I was just upset. I know you didn't do it on purpose and it was wrong of me to imply you'd ever intentionally hurt a living thing, I know better and I should have left you a note telling you I went riding. I did have some fun at your expense while you were up the pole and I do apologize for that. You're right, we all tell little white lies and it's probably best that way. What I don't understand is why you lied about the farm thing, did you really think you had to do that to impress me or something?"

"Well, yeah, I guess so. Kathryn, that was a long time ago and you were still in love with Mark back then, I think, and so wrapped up in your research that, a lot of the time, it seemed like you hardly knew I existed." He gave her a little grin. "That can be hard to take when you're the only guy on the planet. You would be gone most of the day, come back, tell me dinner was good and then stare at the screen of your computer until you fell asleep at your desk most nights. I would have helped you if I'd had the technical training to do it, but I didn't, so I'd get pretty lonely and it was hard for me to watch you working yourself to the bone like that and never really making any progress. We were living together in a tiny little hut, but it seemed like we were growing apart, not together. I guess it was just dumb teenage mentality or something, but I was just trying to make myself more compatible and desirable to you, that's all. You know how it is, once you tell a lie, you have to tell more to cover."

"Well, yes, that's true, and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way, but I understand why you did and I apologize. OK, let me go take care of the critters and you can clean up the kitchen, then we can run damage control."

Kathryn turned to leave, but Chakotay stopped her and shoved a rag in her hand. "I have a better idea. How about you help me clean up after breakfast and then we can go down to the barn together and you can start teaching me about how to care for the animals? After that, we can assess the situation in the garden and see what I can do to fix it. I want to do everything I can to fix it up, it was my fault, and I will apologize to your mother, take full blame and make it right as best I can."

Kathryn tossed the rag on the counter. "I don't do housework! I don't cook because I don't really like to and having to clean up after cooking is just an added punishment that makes it even more of a drudgery. Let's leave this for later and go feed because it's way past their breakfast time and, as you can hear, the natives are restless."

======/\======

Chakotay was a reluctant student as Kathryn tried to teach him how to care for the animals and reassure him that they did not bite. Various of his body parts begged to differ, but she finally convinced him that he had just handled feed before entering the corral and the animals were hungry and that is why they "got excited" and "nipped" at him. He wondered if Indiana law allowed a goat to be tried for assault and battery… and if you could make a pot roast with fresh goat meat… and if Kathryn would notice. Yes, garlic and rosemary, that was probably the way to go, and the story about the farm hand being away for the weekend was undoubtedly a lie and he was buried somewhere on the farm, his battered corpse riddled with goat bites. As Kathryn shut the barn door behind them and double checked that it was secure, Chakotay gave her a grin as he dusted off his hands. "So, is that it?"

"Of course not!" Kathryn replied. "We still have to clean the horses' stalls, bring some bales of hay down from the loft to replace the ones that they stole, clean the water trough and refill it, then run to the silo to get more feed to replace what was lost and go into town to get whatever else we need to fix the garden and also get a new feed stasis bin."

"Is that all?" Chakotay replied as he realized his back had joined the list of body parts that hurt.

Kathryn suddenly darted off, dragging him behind her. "Oh, no, it's not, I forgot. We have to gather the eggs and clean up the hen house while the chickens are still outside eating and I just left my tack lying on the ground, so I still need to clean it and put it away. Would you like to learn how to clean a saddle and bridle, Chakotay?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Kathryn, how about we have pot roast for dinner?"

Kathryn smiled as she handed Chakotay a pitchfork. "I thought we could go into town and get a pizza. Chakotay, you don't eat pot roast!"

He smiled as he pictured himself stuffing the goat's carcass with sage dressing. "I think I could make an exception, Kathryn, but pizza would be fine as long as it's my treat."

Kathryn snatched the pitchfork back from him and tossed it into the wheelbarrow along with some other tools as she said, "Go on and take the wheelbarrow around to the entrance to the stable and I'm going to straighten up the rest of these tools, they're a mess! You try to grab one and they all fall down!"

Chakotay tried to smile. "Sure, but where is the button?"

Kathryn kept her back to him and kept working, clattering tools as she shouted over the noise. "Huh, what about my butt?"

"What? No, your butt looks fine, Kathryn, very fine in fact, you should wear jeans more often. I said button. Where is the button on the wheelbarrow? I can't get it to move."

"You have to push it!" she shouted over the clatter of sorting shovels, hoes and rakes.

"I know that, Kathryn, but I can't find the button to turn the damn thing on! Is it on the bottom down under here?" When he tried to look, the wheelbarrow tipped over and dumped all the tools out onto the ground.

Kathryn spun around at the noise and put her hands on her hips. "Chakotay, there is no button! Here, put the tools back in it and hurry up. It's a wheelbarrow, you grab the handles, lift them up, put your back into it and push it. For heaven sakes, Chakotay, haven't you ever seen a wheelbarrow before?"

He followed her out. "Yes, Farmer Janeway, I have, but it had a big shiny green button and Boothby pushed it and it would follow him around on antigravs like a faithful dog and carry whatever he put in it and dump it out where he told it to. Kathryn, isn't this antique contraption gonna get real heavy when it's full of horse poop?"

She opened the stable door and pointed for Chakotay to push the wheelbarrow in as she crossed her arms, leaned against the wall and smiled. "Yes, it is, but luckily I have a big strong man here to push it for me. It's called manure, Chakotay, not horse poop, and it won't magically beam into the wheelbarrow nor can you shoot it with a phaser, so I suggest you take a pitchfork, slide it under a pile, pick it up and dump it into the wheelbarrow. When the wheelbarrow gets full, you can push it to the big pile way out there and pitch it up to the top cause it ain't gonna beam up there either; we do things the old fashioned way here and hard work never killed anybody. When all the stalls are clean, then you can put down some fresh straw and then we can clean out the water trough and refill it, clean my saddle and bridle and put them away, gather the eggs and then we can go assess the damage in Mother's garden, make a list and take the truck into town to buy what we need. If you think you can handle cleaning the stalls, I'm going to go up to the loft and toss down a couple bales of straw."

Chakotay started cleaning and realized within about two minutes that it was very hard work and horses must be Bolian and, therefore, 95% of their metabolism was dedicated to manure production. As he remembered the size of the giant Clydesdale draft horse that had kept him up a pole for so long and what forking his loads into the wheelbarrow would be like, he considered faking a heart attack.

Kathryn came down from the loft, grabbed the other pitchfork and leaned on it as she watched him work and said, "Remind me to order a load of straw when we're in town, there's only about a dozen bales left up there. We buy that, we only produce our own hay here."

Chakotay continued working as he said, "Will do. Kathryn, those bales look heavy, so let me move them, OK?"

"That was my plan," she smiled mischievously.

Chakotay shook his head and grumbled, "Figures. Say, Kathryn, you're not gonna hurt yourself leaning on a pitchfork like that are you?" His question apparently fell on deaf ears. "Kathryn, if I hadn't made such a mess of things, would you still have made me shovel all this shit while you just stood there and watched?"

She finally started helping. "Of course not, don't be silly! You said you knew all about farms, so I figured you could do it by yourself while I sat on the veranda, had some coffee, did my nails and read a trashy romance novel. Chakotay, my mother can clean these stalls by herself in less than twenty minutes, so I suggest you quit bitching and start pitching. I'm going to go clean my saddle and the water trough, so meet me at the henhouse door when you're done."

His patience was wearing thin. "Fine! Kathryn, where's the henhouse? I couldn't find it before, that's what started this whole mess, that and that spotted scion of Satan demon of a goat. Can't you just do it? I don't like chickens, I don't even like eggs anymore."

"Her name is Twinkie and she's a very sweet and gentle goat, kids play with her all the time! I like her and I like chickens too and they will not hurt you. Chakotay, you of all people should know that animals are very sensitive and they have feelings just like we do and they are very intelligent."'

"Her? No, I mean that black goat with horns and a head that goes all the way around that tried to make sure I'll never be a father."

"That's Twinkie, she's the only black goat and she's a she."

"Are you sure? It had horns, sharp horns… that match wounds on my body."

Kathryn started laughing again. "Chakotay, female goats, sheep and cows can have horns. I am sure Twinkie is a nanny goat because she's pregnant."

Chakotay mumbled, "Oh, great, they'll be more of them… and I'll finally be able to sing soprano!" He threw down his pitchfork, grabbed the wheelbarrow, grunted at the weight and started for the manure pile to dump it as he said, "Well, I guess they all just hate me!" Kathryn shouted something at him, but he couldn't hear her and probably would have ignored her even if he had at this point. Chakotay had high hopes for the weekend beyond working on the story and it was obvious they would both be so grumpy and tired by dinner time all they could probably do would be to choke down some food and write a story about two people that killed each other on an antique farm. Somehow, he was pretty sure that was not the sort of thing little kids wanted to hear at bedtime. As he put down the wheelbarrow and looked up at the manure pile, which was much bigger than it looked from the stable, Chakotay shouted "Oh, damn!" as he threw his hands into the air. He now knew what Kathryn was probably yelling at him and turned to head back to the stable, but she was standing right there wielding a pair of pitchforks.

She handed him one as she said, "Unless you were planning to toss all that manure up there with your bare hands, I thought you could use this. I tried to tell you, but I guess you couldn't hear me." Kathryn put her arm around Chakotay's shoulder and gave him a squeeze as she said, "I'm sorry, I'm over being pissed now and I'm sorry I teased you too. I was yelling for you to come back because you forgot your fork. Here, let me help you get the chores done and then we can see what we need, go into town to get it and I'll treat you to lunch at the Burrito Barn or we can get Chinese or a couple Hoosier Hoagies or whatever you'd like. I wasn't really expecting you to do all these chores, Chakotay, I was just teasing, but now I see it wasn't very funny. I apologize. We can work together to get the garden fixed up so well Mom won't hardly notice."

Chakotay smiled and started back to work. "Thanks, but I have to tell her because I have to apologize. I'm only occasionally dishonest about little things, Kathryn, never about important things. I would be glad to do the farm work for you, only I'm obviously not very good at it because I don't know how, especially with these tools from the Middle Ages. Kathryn, I would do anything for you, I hope you know that."

She got that mischievous look in her eyes that scared him. "Would you, ummm, eat spicy carrot pudding for me?"

"Yeah."

"Even if I made it… from scratch… without a recipe?"

"Yeah, well, as long as it wasn't still flaming."

"Humph!" she grinned. "Not everything I cook catches on fire, you know."

"I know. Your vegetable biryani is good, it really is, and you make good brownies too, usually."

"Thanks. Chakotay, would you go riding with me after dinner this evening?"

"Riding, you mean… on a… a horse?" He swallowed hard.

"Yes, silly, what did you think I meant?"

He tugged his ear and grinned. "I was hoping you had some hover cycles."

"We do, but I did mean on a horse. Chakotay, would you please let me teach you how to ride a horse?"

"I dunno, Kathryn, this hasn't exactly been my day to talk to the animals, you know."

She took his hands and smiled. "I know, but it would mean so much to me. Chakotay, I love to ride and I would hope you will too and it's something we can do together. Back when you said you liked to ride, you created a dream in my mind that, one day, we could go riding together. If you don't like it, fine, but would you at least try? That's all I ask, just trust me and give it a try. OK?"

He gave her a hug, "OK, for you, I'll try.

======/\======

"Oh, no, it's raining!" Kathryn shouted as they came out of the restaurant. "It wasn't supposed to rain, damn this unpredictable uncontrolled Indiana weather! Now we can't go riding. Chakotay, you did this, didn't you?"

He took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders. "Kathryn, I can't even start a damn camp fire, what makes you think I can make it rain? Trust me, I'm not that good an Indian, I don't think my tribe even has a rain dance because it rains almost every day where we came from! Don't worry about it, it's probably just a little storm that will be over by time we get home. You stay here under the portico and I'll go get your car so you don't get wet." She didn't seem pleased with his offer and just kept staring up at the sky with that look that was the last thing the Borg Queen ever saw. He gave her a little hug as he held the pizza box with their leftovers over his head to shield himself from the downpour. "Wait here, I'll be right back!"

Chakotay found the car, but did not realize half the streets in the old section of downtown Bloomington were one way and he was heading away from the restaurant as soon as he pulled out of the parking lot. He planned to take a right at the next corner and go around the block, but that street was also one way, going the wrong way. As he continued on, Chakotay realized he needed directions and had left his com badge in the pocket of his jacket, that Kathryn had. He had also forgotten the name of the street the restaurant was on and all he could remember was they had turned off some larger street that was named after a tree… and that almost every small town in North America had about a dozen streets named after the more common species of trees.

He kept going and found himself on the campus of Indiana University. Chakotay tried to pull into the first parking lot he saw to turn around and also to check if the car had a nav system or at least a map PADD, but the sign at the entrance advised him the proper electronic pass was required to enter the lot and Kathryn's car obviously did not have one as the barrier did not open. Another car pulled in behind him and began blasting their horn almost immediately. Chakotay opened the window and tried to wave them to go on, but there was no way for the huge vehicle behind him to go around his car and he could not get out of the narrow little driveway unless the car behind him backed up into the street. The other car, which was more of a huge tank-like pseudo military vehicle than a car, was now continuously blasting the horn. He again tried to lean out of the window and yelled and gestured for them to back up, but the horn was so loud and the rain so heavy they probably didn't see or hear him. All he saw in reply was a single finger emerge from a crack at the top of the driver's side window; it was a middle finger.

Chakotay finally got out of the car and ran through the pouring rain to the driver's window of the car behind him. As the tinted window lowered a little, he could see from down below the unmistakable forehead ridges of the Klingon driver and he also saw there were four or five more Klingons in the car. Oh great, he thought, I pissed off a carload of Klingons, I'm going to die in a parking lot in Indiana! He smiled anyhow. "I'm sorry, Sir, I'm lost. If you wouldn't mind, could you please back up and I'll turn around and get out of your way?"

" yIntagh veQ!"

He tried again, adding gestures to illustrate his words. "Can you please back up your car and I'll get out of your way?"

"ghuy'cha' Qa'Hom!" the Klingon shouted as he and his friends laughed hysterically.

The Klingons were obviously students at the university, Chakotay reasoned, as they were the right age and were entering a student parking lot. He also knew it was a certainty they either spoke Federation Standard fluently or at least had translators, so he tried a different tack. "Look, kids, the only way you are going to get into this parking lot is if you back up and let me out, so I suggest you do before I call Campus Security." Chakotay put his hands on his hips for emphasis since it usually worked for Kathryn. He also knew it was raining as hard as it could and he was relatively safe. Most Klingons had as much taste for getting wet as they did for lace napkins and petit fours at a tea party, so it was highly unlikely the Klingons would get out of the car to beat him to as pulp, which they most certainly could do. He reiterated, "Back up, let me out, and you can get in!"

"Qu'vatlh qhuy'cha' baQa'!" was accompanied by a gesture he was quite familiar with as it was B'Elanna's favorite when someone pissed her off. The Klingon laughed from his gut as he made yet another gesture. "Human petaQ, you drive little girly car!" All of them pointed and laughed. Chakotay looked back at Kathryn's hover car and, while it was small and cute, he didn't think it was particularly feminine, save for the "MY OTHER CAR IS A STARSHIP" bumper sticker. On the other hand, it was no match for the huge sporty tank of a car the Klingons had and Chakotay started to wonder if they might just try to drive over Kathryn's little blue car as they probably had the thruster power attachments to do it. He tried to remember a particularly vile insult in Klingon B'Elanna had taught him, but decided against it as she would always laugh and tell him, the way he pronounced it, it sounded like "elbow boots."

Finally one of the female Klingons in the back seat smacked the driver on the back of his head. "Hurry, up, Grelkthor, I'm going to be late. Let the Qa'Hom go so we can park. Insulting his stupidity is too easy, and I don't want to be late." She let out a guttural sexual growl that explained why the driver obeyed her so swiftly and then shouted, "Get out of our way, petaQ, and let us pass!"

"Thank you," Chakotay replied, quite pleased with himself for getting a carload of teenage Klingons to do his bidding. Thinking he now had the upper hand as the driver would do whatever he asked in order to placate the female, he said, "Say, I'm lost. My friend is waiting for me at the pizza parlour, could you please give me directions to get back?"

They all laughed until one of them shouted, "Do we look like fucking tour guides? Move your car, Qa'Hom, and get out of our way! Klingons don't eat petaQ like pizza, how should we know?" They all laughed again. Chakotay, really pressing his luck, just stood there. It was still pouring, but he couldn't possibly be any wetter, so he crossed his arms and looked at his watch.

She finally gave in, smacked her boyfriend in the head again and leaned down from her window. "Which pizza place, petaQ?"

It suddenly hit Chakotay, he did not know. "Oh, gosh, I don't remember. Something like Luigi's, Antonio's, Vitorio's… something Italian like that. It was an old stone building and the tables had old fashioned red and white checked tablecloths and candles in wine bottles. Do you know where it is, can you give me directions back there?"

The Klingons laughed so hard they rocked the car. The driver finally made another colorful gesture as he shouted, "Do we look like we eat at places with tablecloths, candles and starch disks covered in red fruit and rotted milk?" He vaguely pointed off to the left as he backed farther up. "Go that way! Move that car or we will move it for you," the Klingon driver shouted as his friends started getting loud and howling.

Realizing they would be of no help, even if they did know, Chakotay ran back to Kathryn's car, backed out of the parking lot entrance before they could change their minds and took off down the street to look for a place to turn around. Thunder and lightening now accompanied the rain. He scanned the sidewalks for someone he could ask for directions, but realized no sane person would be out walking in such weather. Thinking about poor Kathryn waiting for him back at the restaurant, he finally just made a U turn in the middle of the street and headed back the way he had come. Unfortunately, Chakotay regretted that decision as soon as he heard the familiar whine of a police siren. He pasted on his best pity me smile as he said, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm lost, terribly lost. Can you please give me directions of how to get back to the restaurant? My friend is waiting there for me to pick her up and she's probably worried by now because I got lost."

The officer's answer was swift. "License and registration, Sir. I stopped you because you just made an illegal U turn… right in front of a cop car no less. Are you stupid?"

"No, Sir." Chakotay replied as he reached for his pocket to get his wallet, until he realized the pocket it was in was on his jacket that he had given to Kathryn. He knew it wasn't in is pants pocket, but he looked there anyhow as it gave him time to think. This was a real officer, not a law enforcement android, so he might have a fighting chance. "Uh, you're not going to believe this, Sir, but my wallet is in the pocket of my jacket and I gave it to my friend so she wouldn't get wet, so it seems I don't quite have any ID with me."

The police officer, obviously annoyed he was going to be out in the pouring rain longer than he thought, smiled sadistically. "You're right, I don't believe it. Are you a student or faculty here, do you have a university ID? Is this your car, Sir?"

"No, I'm not, this is the first time I have been to Bloomington, in fact. I took a friend out to dinner and it was raining when we came out of the restaurant, so I gave her my jacket, that had my wallet in the pocket, so she wouldn't get wet and I went to get her car for her, only all the streets here seem to be one way and then I got lost. I tried to get directions from some Klingon students, but they were… uh, apparently they were unfamiliar with the restaurant."

"Uh huh. They were probably the ones that called to say some ass hol… uh, citizen, I mean, was blocking up the entrance to the main student parking lot. That's where I was headed when you made a U turn right in front of me. So, you have no ID and, let me guess, you don't have the registration for this vehicle either?"

Chakotay grinned as he looked around in the car for the registration, not even knowing if Indiana issued actual electronic cards, chips or what. "That would be about the sum of it. This is my friend's car, not mine."

"Uh huh," he grumbled as he scanned the ID chip imbedded in the car's windshield. "And what would your friend's name be?"

"Janeway, Kathryn Janeway, Sir."

The officer consulted his PADD. "That's funny, this isn't her car."

Chakotay thought until he realized what the problem must be. "Oh, well, we are staying at her mother's house, so maybe the car is registered to her. Her name is Mrs. Gretchen Janeway."

The officer shook his head. "Nope, you wanna try for bingo again?"

Chakotay scratched his head. "It has to be Kathryn or her mother, Sir. Kathryn and I live and work in San Francisco, but she is from Bloomington and her mother lives here on a farm out west of town but, oh my gosh, I don't think I know the actual physical address, I mean the road it is on, because we beamed out, but it's a little country road. They're the Janeways, everyone knows them, Officer, I'm sure you…"

"Look, buddy, it's raining targhs and toads, my personal rain shied is busted and I'm in no mood to hear your life story, OK? This car does not belong to anyone named Janeway and it may be stolen and not reported yet for all I know. You have no ID, so I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car and come back to the station with me so they can figure out who you are and if you are authorized to have the vehicle."

Poor Chakotay had had enough. "Look, Officer, I assure you the car is not stolen. My name is Chakotay, Commander Chakotay, and I am a Starfleet officer. I took my friend Kathryn Janeway out to dinner for pizza and it was raining when we came out, so I gave her my jacket, that has my ID in the pocket, and I went to get her car to pick her up at the restaurant so she wouldn't get wet because she has this thing about messing up her hair. Like I said, I'm not from here, it was raining so hard I could barely see and I got lost. I tried to get directions, but I don't remember the name of the restaurant. Don't I look familiar to you? I'm Commander Chakotay, I was the first officer on Voyager, the starship that got lost in the Delta Quadrant for seven years and got back last winter. I did a million interviews, I'm a celebrity, I get asked to pose for pictures and sign autographs all the time, don't you remember seeing me on the news? My friend is Kathryn Janeway, Captain Janeway, the Captain of Voyager. Surely you've heard of her?"

"Nope, sorry, but probably explains why you're so lost." The police officer seemed to be increasingly annoyed despite the fact the rain was stating to let up. "You say you're a Starfleet officer?"

"Yes, if you would help me figure out which restaurant I was at, I could go get my ID and prove it and Kathryn could explain about the car and she's probably worried about me. If it's not her car, I'm sure she can verify she has permission to have it. They give her huge starships, it's not like she's gonna steal a car, Sir."

The officer just shook his head. "A Starfleet officer, no way! Really?"

"Really!" Chakotay shouted. "Why is it so hard to believe?"

The officer cracked a slight smile. "I bet you had dinner at Pagliacci's Pizzeria."

"Yes, yes, that's it, Officer!" Chakotay shouted. "How did you know?"

"And I bet you had a large pizza, half pepperoni and sausage and half mushrooms?"

Chakotay was really wondering now. "Yes, that's exactly what we had, but how do you know?"

"Are you really in Starfleet?" The officer pointed to the soaked leftover pizza box on the passenger seat that Chakotay had used as a rain shield when he left the restaurant and ran for the car. He put his hands on his hips and looked down his nose. "Uh, Sir, the lid of the pizza box has the name and address of the restaurant and your order on it. Didn't it occur to you to look at it?"

Chakotay looked over as he turned red and tried to become invisible. "Uh, no, I guess it didn't. Look, Sir, I swear I'm who I say I am and I'm sure Kathryn is very worried about me. May I please at least call her and let her know what's going on."

The officer was laughing as he shook his head. "Sure, you can go ahead and call her. Are you really in Starfleet?"

"Yes!" he huffed. "Uh, oh…. my comm is in my jacket pocket, that is…"

"Oh yeah, on your girlfriend…"

"No, she's not my girlfriend, Officer," Chakotay corrected, "I mean, I wish she were and hope she'll be soon, but we're more just friends now because…"

The police officer finally threw up his hands. "Oh, never mind, I don't want to hear your life story, buddy! Hey, I'm not on one of those shows where I'm being punked, am I?" The officer grinned and looked around for a hidden camera crew to emerge. Disappointed, he said, "Look, the restaurant is only a couple blocks away and, strange as it may be, I somehow think you're telling the truth because nobody could make that story up. Follow me back and you can get your ID and, as long as your girlfriend… or not a girlfriend, can explain the car and everything checks out, you'll be free to go."

======/\======

Chakotay handed Kathryn a mug of tea as he joined her on the sofa in the den and said, "I hope you don't mind, as late as it is, I went ahead and put my nightclothes on too. Do you realize I have had four showers today, five if you count the rain? One when I got up, two to get the chicken crap off me, three after working all afternoon to fix the garden and four just now to wash away the worst day ever. Oh, and add to that I got all those citations from the police officer that will cost me almost a week's pay, made you mad and got attacked by a goat."

Kathryn leaned back and inhaled the scent of her tea as she snuggled into the thick collar of her bathrobe. "Chakotay, I'm not mad at you and I will pay the ticket for the car not having a current registration because it's my fault I didn't take care of it when I bought the car from the neighbors, it just totally slipped my mind. In fact, I'll pay them all if you want because you were only driving my car and didn't have your wallet because of me. I'm sorry your first day on the farm did not go well, I was really hoping you would like it here."

He slid over, stretched to put his arm around her and then thought better of it and pulled an afghan off the back of the sofa to spread across their laps instead. "I do, Kathryn, I do! Your family has a beautiful comfortable home and I am very happy to be able to spend some time with you, I really am. I'm sorry I misled you about my agrarian skills, but I honestly want to learn more so that I can be of use here. If you want to start my horseback riding lessons tomorrow morning, that would be fine, and I will give it my best."

Kathryn smiled as she leaned into Chakotay's shoulder and snuggled up to his arm. "I know you will. Now, what about that children's story we have to write, do you have any ideas."

Chakotay finally slipped his arm around Kathryn and snuggled her closer. "Well, let me think…"

======/\======

Chakotay held Kathryn tightly as her breath warmed his chest. She was breathing slowly and rhythmically, still deep in sleep despite the fact the sun was well up in the sky and the room was already bathed in the honey of a late spring Indiana sunrise. He inhaled deeply and feasted on her scent. It was subtle, yet unmistakably floral, although he was not sure exactly which flower it was. When she had snuggled up to him on the sofa the night before, he was sure of one thing: that they would become lovers that night and not the authors of an acclaimed children's story. It had taken over seven years, but it had finally happened and Chakotay cradled her more tightly as he realized it had been the best night of his life and was well worth the wait. Feasting on her scent again, he smiled as he nuzzled her hair and realized Kathryn's scent was also laced with a dash of the unmistakable aroma of coffee, dark strong fresh brewed coffee. "Ummmm," he moaned as he started nibbling on her breast, hoping it would excite her again as much as it had the night before.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Kathryn said as she gave Chakotay a rattle on the shoulder. "Give me that!" she giggled as she snatched away his pillow and slid the mug on the coffee table towards him. "I thought the aroma of the coffee would wake you, but it didn't and you were smiling like a Cheshire cat and trying to eat this poor throw pillow, so I thought I'd better wake you before you did. That must have been some dream, Chakotay!"

Chakotay shook his head and tried to orient himself, turning red as he realized he had been caught in a private moment. He smiled as he raked his fingers through his hair. "Huh? Sorry, what time is it?"

"A little after seven. I swear, you really were trying to eat that pillow! What were you dreaming about, was it a Pagliacci's pizza suprema with extra cheese or what? It certainly must have been delicious."

He sat up, took a sip of coffee and made sure to keep the afghan over his lap as he sighed and said, "Yeah, it was most certainly the best thing I ever tasted. Thanks for the coffee. How long have you been up?"

"Not long," she replied as she curled up in a chair opposite the sofa and drew her feet under her as she sipped her coffee. "You fell asleep last night and I tried to wake you, but it was a hopeless cause, so I just threw the afghan over you and went upstairs to bed. I guess all that farm work yesterday tired you out?"

He took a big sip of coffee. "Yeah, I guess it did and I'm sorry I fell asleep. Kathryn, that was hard work, how does your mother manage?"

"Well, she's used to it and all you and I do nowadays is sit behind a desk. I don't even have time to work out right now and I know you don't either. Mom has help, a fulltime farm hand, only he's not here this weekend, and then she hires other people as needed seasonally and the volunteers come and help."

"Volunteers?"

"Oh, Chakotay, I thought I told you about the farm, how it works? My grandparents started this farm as a place where people, mostly kids, can come to get in touch with their pioneer roots and learn about how farms used to be. That's why we don't have any modern equipment. Well, actually we do have some, but it's kept hidden. When the kids come, Mom tells them about how chickens lay eggs and she has the kids help her gather them into a basket, but, after they leave, she puts the eggs in a modern stasis unit until there are enough to beam to the natural foods co-op. Mom really does believe replicated food is not as good, you know. She'll hitch up Clyde and show them how farmers used to plant and cultivate with horses and then hitch the draft team to a wagon and give them a ride. Mom and the volunteers milk cows and goats and let the kids try and then they show them how to make butter and cheese the old fashioned way. She also shows them about shearing fleece from animals to spin into yarn and that sort of stuff too. Mom really does a good show and the kids get to eat a meal with food from the farm afterwards and most of them leave with a real appreciation for what life was like in Indiana for our pioneer ancestors."

"Wow, Kathryn, I had no idea, that's pretty cool! That's one show I'd like to see."

"Yeah, it is fun and I'm sure Mom would be delighted if you'd come one day. Truth be known, a fair amount of the planting and harvesting of the crops is actually done with modern equipment, but Mom is truly committed to natural organic farming and you'll find no genetically engineered crops or animals here. I have kind of a love hate relationship with the farm. I love the idea and how a clean old fashioned simple diet and lots of hard work make me feel and, heaven knows, Mom is in better shape than I am, but I really like the 24th century a lot too. I do agree it is important for the kids to know what they learn here so they don't go through life thinking a replicator is the only place you can get food from. I used to totally hate it, but I'm sure you've noticed how spending the weekend here mellows me out and regenerates me."

"Yeah, I have noticed and I see what you mean. I thought it was because you laid around all day and caught up on your rest here, but now I know it's actually the opposite. Uh, Kathryn, you didn't make me shovel all that shit yesterday and replant all those vegetables when you had a hidden automated shit shoveler and vegetable planter, did you?"

She laughed as she grabbed his coffee cup to refill it. "No, I swear, I didn't. The old barn and vegetable garden are not automated at all beyond the irrigation system in the garden. You have to feed and water the animals and clean the barn the old fashioned way, although the tools we actually use are replicas, of course, and not real antiques. Here, let me get you another cup of coffee and how about you go make us breakfast? I'll go feed and then we can plan out our day over breakfast."

"OK, that sounds good, but we should probably start in on the story after the work is done. What would you like for breakfast, Kathryn?"

"Surprise me!" she said as she grabbed another cup of coffee and dashed off towards the barn.

He watched Kathryn run off towards the barn, her auburn hair doing its best to keep up with her. She was letting it grow out; he was glad. Chakotay thought about what she had said, 'surprise me', and reflected that he had probably surprised her several times over the weekend, but unfortunately not pleasantly. While he didn't really think there would be any major changes in their relationship over the weekend as Kathryn had made herself quite clear on that matter and he hated to admit he did see her logic, he had hoped they would become closer nonetheless. Knowing that his first riding lesson was not likely to encourage any bonding and would probably be counterproductive, if not downright embarrassing, Chakotay headed to the kitchen to make her a wonderful breakfast to remind her that at least he could cook.

======/\======

Kathryn drained the rest of the coffee pot into her mug as she said, "Chakotay, that was delicious, as fine a Sunday breakfast as I have ever had and, believe me, Sunday breakfasts are a longstanding Janeway family tradition. I hope you will leave the recipe for that stuffed French toast so that Mom can make it because it was absolutely delicious and I know the family would love it."

"I would be glad to," he replied as he started clearing the table. "It's my sister's recipe, but it's not an old family recipe, she learned it from some cooking show. She's learned a lot of good recipes watching them, maybe you should try that. Well, I mean… not that you, I mean they can be very entertaining…"

Kathryn waved her hand and cut him off. "Chakotay, it's not a Federation secret that I can't cook, I'm pretty sure everyone knows. I think Tuvok summed up my culinary skills quite succinctly when he said the oatmeal cookies I made him were 'not compatible with Vulcan dentition.' There are some skills I just simply cannot or do not want to master and cooking is one of them. I don't want to learn how to play the tuba, speak Ferengi, train slime devils or perform erotic Talaxian dances either!"

Chakotay laughed as he finished cleaning up the kitchen and tossed his rag aside. "Oh Kathryn, don't tell me Neelix tried to teach you that too? He scared me to death, I thought he was, you know, coming on to me and the thought of that made me so nauseous I almost puked. I'm generally pretty open minded, but the words 'erotic' and 'Talaxian' do not belong in the same sentence or even…"

"In the same galaxy," Kathryn finished. "Yes, apparently he thought he was being thoughtful and sharing his culture, but as soon as he said 'dance' I suddenly remembered I was late for a colon exam and ran off to sick bay. Quite frankly, I do not want to even picture what an erotic Talaxian dance would look like, least of all if Neelix were the one doing it."

"Agreed! I am so sorry I ever read one of those wixi-wixi novels because it made me imagine things that nobody ever should and, to this day, there are nauseating images I still can't get out of my head. Damn that Neelix and Tom Paris, it's all their fault, pushing wixi-wixi for rations to make…"

"Wixi what?" Kathryn interrupted. "You mean his friend Wix? Were they lovers? I always wondered about those two." She closed her eyes and shuddered as she threw up into her mouth a little bit. "Chakotay, I haven't the slightest idea what you are talking about."

Chakotay realized there was now a bag without a cat somewhere in Indiana. "Uh, you don't?"

"No, I don't. What are you talking about? They weren't selling drugs, were they? I know a lot of regs got bent in the DQ, but, if there were illicit drugs, you should have told me about it! Chakotay, you're whiter than I am, so would you care to enlighten me… and that's an order if it has to be."

He joined her and sat at the table. "No drugs, I swear! You know I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to anything like that and I would have reported it right away. Kathryn, in all those years, you really have no idea what wixi-wixi is?"

She drained her coffee cup and sat it down. "No, I don't, what is it?"

"Sex," he mumbled quietly.

"Huh?"

"SEX! Kathryn, the cutesy Talaxian word for sex is wixi. You know, like we say make whoopee or nookies or…"

"I know what nookies are!" she shouted as she rubbed at her sudden headache and tried to get her thoughts to make sense. "What, are you trying to tell me Tom was prostituting Neelix? It makes me nauseous just to say it and who the hell would pay for, well, whatever he had under all that plaid taffeta? Was anyone really that desperate? We had a holodeck, for heaven sakes, and they could replicate any devices…"

Chakotay had a headache now too, for this was a conversation he never wanted to have with Kathryn, with anyone. "No, prostitution on a Federation starship is against regs too, I would have put an end to it and reported it. Kathryn, the cargo hold of Neelix's flying bucket of bolts was full of three things: leola roots, cooking utensils and bright orange wixi-wixi novel PADDs, thousands of them."

Kathryn realized this conversation now called for alcohol, but she checked the clock and it was still too early for that, so she started making more coffee. "I still have no idea what you are talking about. What the hell is wixi wiki whatever it is. More coffee?"

"Yes, please, it may help. Kathryn, I don't know the exact translation, but wixi-wixi is a Talaxian pornographic novel on a PADD. Most of them were just text and a few more like graphic novels, with mostly pictures. Neelix had lots and lots of them, apparently he was a distributor, which explains how he made a living, despite what he told us. Anyhow, as I understand it, Neelix conned Tom into trying to help him get the gaming system out of his ship so he could install it in his quarters and Tom said he'd only do it for a price because it would be a lot of work to reconfigure it to use Voyager's power system. So, Neelix offered up some of his illustrated porno PADDs as payment."

"Of course," Kathryn nodded. "Chakotay, what happened to replicator rations? I thought they were Voyager's official unit of currency?"

"They were, but Neelix preferred to keep those for himself, to replicate we probably do not want to know what, so he offered up the porn instead. Think about it, Kathryn, it's not like the replicator would make hard core porn and Starfleet doesn't exactly equip its ships with that kind of holo programs either. Apparently the Talaxian porn was pretty weird and wicked funky stuff, but years in the DQ made some people desperate enough for anything! Most of the crew had neither the time nor the skill to write complex holo programs like that and, of course, that's technically against regs too. Tuvok was relentless at catching people misusing the ship's computer and data base, so few were foolish enough to risk it. Once Tom started showing around those porno PADDs he got from Neelix, which were the graphic novel kind with animated pictures which must have been pretty hot as nobody could read the text, a lot of people wanted to borrow them, so he started lending them… for a price, of course."

"Of course," she giggled. "And you knew about this?"

"No, not a clue. It went on for a long time before I found out about it. Anyhow, once everyone had seen the PADDs Tom had two or three times, they got bored with them and wanted new ones. I never saw one of the graphic novel ones, but apparently they were pretty good. So, Tom went back to Neelix and they decided to become porn purveyors together because Neelix had thousands more hot porno novels without pictures. The problem was all of them were written in Talaxian and Neelix was the only person that could read them."

Kathryn smiled. "So, am I to assume Mr. Paris now reads Talaxian fluently?"

Chakotay topped off their coffees and smiled back as he said, "Nope, not as far as I know; the language is damn near impossible to learn to read from what I understand. Almost nothing Talaxian would interface with Voyager's systems and the linguistic data base could not handle Talaxian, so Tom had to find someone with the skills to write a program to translate Talaxian text to a language Voyager's computers could handle. He also had to find some way to make the ship's computer interface with the Talaxian PADDs so he could download the books & make copies onto Starfleet PADDs without using his cherished replicator rations or arousing any suspicion. Apparently Neelix had tried, but every time he would link one of his PADDs to anything Starfleet, it would literally blow up."

Kathryn chuckled. "Yeah, I know, I saw it happen once, looked like a pumpkin had exploded. He said the PADD was recipes, but now I wonder," Kathryn said as a slight grin came to her lips and then she shuddered. "Well, I know Tom wasn't the one who did all that linguistic legerdemain, so who did?"

"Tuvok," Chakotay casually replied.

"Huh, Tuvok? You want me to believe Tom conned Tuvok into writing programs so he could translate Talaxian pornography into Federation Standard?"

"No, of course not!" he chuckled. "It was Neelix that conned Tuvok into doing it."

"He did? Chakotay, I have known Tuvok for a long time and I can assure you he would not waste his time translating porno novels so that Neelix and Tom could fleece the crew selling them. I'm also certain he would have reported such an enterprise to me and not done anything like that without authorization and I obviously didn't know anything about it and I know you never authorized such a thing either." Kathryn huffed and polished off her coffee.

"You're right, I didn't. You did."

"Me?" Kathryn laughed incredulously. "I assure you I did not authorize that!"

"Yes, you did. Well, you approved him to try to come up with a way to interface the data base on Neelix's ship with Voyager's so that we could use his star charts and so on. Tuvok had to get Neelix's data into a form we could understand, so he came up with a Talaxian to Vulcan translation algorithm since Vulcan was more linguistically compatible. Obviously Voyager could already translate Vulcan text to Standard, so it worked. As you know, Neelix's data base was pretty much corrupted and his charts useless by time we had access to them, but Tuvok's program was still there and exactly what Tom and Neelix needed."

Kathryn got more coffee. "This is definitely a three cup conversation. Chakotay, why didn't you tell me about all this? You said you read some of that Talaxian trash, didn't you?"

He hung his head and shuddered. "Yeah, I read one, but I wish I hadn't because they are surprisingly well written in that the images they conjure up in your mind are quite vivid and they're things that have haunted me ever since. Like you said, some things are better off unimagined. I did not know the whole story behind the novels until after we got back. Tom isn't in Starfleet anymore, obviously Neelix is back in the DQ and, far as I know, Tuvok was clueless and nobody else that I know about was in on the scam. Well, I am sure there were more people involved, but I don't know for certain who. The whole thing did not technically violate any regs or laws I don't think, so I figured there was no point in mentioning it to you, especially so long after the fact. To be honest, I was pretty ashamed that it all went on behind my back as, being the XO, I should have known. I also didn't want you to know I read one of those things and will forever regret that I did. I really think anyone who creates images of naked Talaxians should be drawn and quartered."

Kathryn stood and pushed her chair back in. "On that note, Chakotay, I think we best forget Talaxian porn forever, so how about we get down to the barn for your first riding lesson?"

He offered her his arm as he said, "I'd say that's a definite yes!"

======/\======

Kathryn pulled out a kitchen chair as she said, "Here, Chakotay, have a seat and I'll get you a cold pack."

Chakotay smiled. "Kathryn, if it's all the same to you, I'll stand. I'm so sore I don't think I'll be able to sit down until my retirement party. Aren't you sore too?"

"Nope, but I have been riding all my life, so I'm used to it," Kathryn replied as she handed him a cold pack. "And I didn't crash the horse like you did either," she added with a wicked grin.

"Kathryn, I did not crash the horse! It's more like it crashed me. He went one way and I went the other and he dumped me," Chakotay asserted as he put the cold pack against the bruise on his hip and finally sat gingerly on the opposite cheek. "It was not my idea to go that fast anyhow, he was the one that suddenly decided to jump to warp!"

"Chakotay, horses are very intelligent. If you head a horse right at the side of a barn going that fast, which I told you not to do yet, it'll go one way or the other and not run right into it for heaven's sake! If you had told Java which way to turn like I showed you, you would have known which way he was going and gone with him. Face it, Chakotay, you crashed a dozen of my shuttles and now you crashed my horse!"

"Kathryn, I did not and your horse is just fine! It wasn't me, the horse had auto pilot or something and it malfunctioned and I most certainly did not crash that many shuttles!"

"Oh, OK, Commander Crash, how many then?"

He started counting on his fingers. "Not funny! Uh, well, I'm not too sure now. Anyhow it was only one or two and I'm an excellent pilot, so none of them were my fault and it doesn't matter."

"The hell it doesn't! Chakotay, it took me a week to explain to Starfleet what happened to all those shuttles, especially since we only had two when we left and lost like a dozen and a half of them, three in less than a month once!" She started counting on her fingers, "Let's see, you let the Vori blow one up and you somehow managed to crash one in the middle of nowhere in twentieth century Arizona and then there was the Sacajawea and then you crashed the Cochrane and…"

"No, no, Kathryn, that wasn't me! Tom crashed that one and Harry was the one that crashed the Drake!"

Kathryn scratched her head as she thought. "Oh, yeah, you're right about that, but you did crash my horse! Chakotay, it's no wonder you flunked your driver's test twice, I swear! Would you like some iced tea?"

"Please, and maybe you should quit teasing me and be thankful I didn't crash your car on Saturday night when I went out in a torrential downpour to get it for you and then almost got killed by a carload of pissed off Klingons and then almost hauled off to jail by a cop with no sense of humor and I went through all that just so you wouldn't get wet. Car… Kathryn how did you know I flunked my driver's test? I never told you that."

She handed him his tea and put a plate of brownies on the table between them. "Chakotay, you obviously must have told me, how else would I know? I know, I think you told me back on New Earth one night. Yes, that was it, that muggy night we replicated a pitcher of margaritas and you made guacamole tacos or something, that was it. How about lunch, what would you like? I'm famished!"

"Kathryn, I remember that night very well and I did not tell you, I'm sure."

She shoved the brownies at him and got up from the table. "Here, have a brownie. I'm sure you told me, how else would I know? You had a lot to drink that night and you know as well as I do you can't hold your liquor at all. How's your butt, is it bruised badly? Maybe we should run into the hospital in town and make sure you didn't hurt anything. Mom doesn't have a regenerator, you'll be really sore tomorrow if you don't."

He shifted to a more comfortable position as he said, "No, I'm fine, the ground was soft from the rain. Besides, I wouldn't want to explain to some doctor that I fell off a horse and landed on my ass."

A crooked smile crept to Kathryn's lips as her lashes fluttered. "OK, but you could always lie and tell them you got hurt crashing a shuttle."

Chakotay balled up his napkin and threw it at Kathryn. "Don't make me hurt you, Janeway! It's fine, how about I fix us some lunch?"

"Don't change the subject, how bad is it? Get up, Chakotay and let me take a look."

"It's fine, it's nothing. How about I take you out to lunch? You like Boli-Burger, right? Is there one in Bloomington? How about Andorian or Vulcan fusion then?"

She grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. "Come on, stand up and let me see just how bad the bruise is. Put the ice pack down and let me see. Where is it?"

He pointed to his right hip. "Right here, it's fine. How about Chinese food? I could really go for some of that."

"Chakotay, I can't see the bruise through your pants, for heaven's sake!"

"You can't? Geez, Kathryn, Tom Paris always said you have eyes in the back of your head and x ray vision too, so just use that."

"I do, but it only worked in the Delta Quadrant." She smirked and pulled his hand away. "Chakotay lemme see, I want to know how bad it is. I know you, I think you're lying. Just push down you pants enough for me to see the bruise."

"Kathryn! It's fine, really. I'm not gonna show you my butt, so just forget about it. I'm going to go put some clean pants on and get my wallet and I'll be right back."

"Halt and let me see that bruise, Mister!"

He headed for the door waving her off. "I only have to take orders from you Monday through Friday, so forget it. Decide where you want to go for lunch, and I'll be right back.

She ran out into the hall after him, shouting, "I'm serious, you hit the ground pretty hard, you're limping and I know how you can lie, so just show me the bruise so I can see it's not that bad and then I'll believe you."

He stopped, turned and gave her a mischievous dimpled grin as he rocked on his heels and said, "Kathryn, if you wanna get into my pants, put on a short skirt and a low cut top, buy me a couple drinks and take a number like everyone else does."

"You smart ass!" She shouted at him as he sprinted up the stairs and slammed the guest room door fast enough to allay any fears she had that his body was hurt any worse than his pride was. Kathryn mumbled to herself as she walked back to the kitchen, "Damn, I'll have to find some other way to see what that tattoo on his butt is!"

======/\======

When they came back from dinner Kathryn put the "doggie bags" into stasis as she said, "Wow, I think we brought home more than we ate! Nobody can say the portions there are skimpy, that's for sure. When Mom and I eat there Friday nights, we don't have to cook for the whole weekend."

Chakotay started to open a bottle of wine as he replied, "You know, I have never been to an Indian restaurant and, to be honest, I really thought I wouldn't like it because I don't like spicy food, but it wasn't hot and spicy like I thought it would be, it was delicious. I should have asked the chef for the recipe for that green split pea daal, it was fantastic!"

"Don't bother," Kathryn laughed, "Mom has not been able to get a single recipe out of any of the chefs there. I could tell you didn't really want to go there, but I know you like biryani and I was sure you would like the food, especially since most of the menu is vegetarian. I'm glad you were adventurous and tried new things. My grandmother spent some time studying in India when she was young and learned to prepare some Indian dishes and they are still family favorites, but I only ever learned the biryani one I'm afraid. How about you take the wine out on the porch and I'll take care of the dogs and cats and then go get my PADD and we can write that story?"

"Sure," Chakotay replied as he took a tray off a shelf, "it's Sunday night, so we had really better get going, shouldn't we? I take it you want to beam to work back tomorrow morning?"

"Yup, we get a couple more hours of sleep that way because of the time difference! I almost always do that. Mr. Kirby, the farm manager, said he would be back bright and early, so we won't have to do any chores, just eat a nice breakfast & beam to work. You might want to beam to your apartment and dump off all that gear and then beam into work."

"OK, sounds like a plan!" he yelled over his shoulder as he headed for the porch with the wine and bowl of strawberries Kathryn had taken out of stasis. Chakotay came running back into the kitchen. "Kathryn, Kathryn, there's a pig in the living room!"

She looked at him and laughed. "Have too much wine already? I'm not going to fall for one of your lame farm jokes, so just go wait on the porch and I'll be right there as soon as I am done in here."

"Hey, I am not kidding, there is a pig in there, it's lying on the sofa watching the vid, I swear!"

"Yeah, yeah, right," she giggled, "what's he watching, the news or one of Mom's Gothic romances?"

Chakotay actually stomped. "I am NOT joking, it is a P I G pig, Kathryn, and it's watching cartoons."

"Chakotay, we don't even have a pig!"

"You do now, come look. I give you my word, I am not joking! It is a pink pig, at least I think it's a pig, it grunted and wagged its curly little piggy tail."

"Oh all right!" Kathryn cursed, mad she had to stop in the middle of feeding the dogs. She grabbed Chakotay by the wrist and dragged him into the living room, stopped and put her hands on her hips. "So, where's your damn pig, or is it an invisible pig, huh?"

He ran to the sofa and looked. "It was here, I swear! See, the sofa is warm where it was and there's cartoons on."

"Vid off!" she commanded. "You put the vid on and made up a story and I really don't think it's very funny! Here, take the strawberries out with you and just go wait on the porch, light the candles, see if you can get the bug shields to come on, you may have to jiggle the emitters, and I will be right there. Go on, hurry up, we don't have a pig, I swear, and we only have a couple hours to get that story written! I have to get the pets taken care of, this is very late for their dinners."

Chakotay knew what he had seen and the restaurant did not serve alcohol, so he knew he was stone cold sober. He felt the sofa again and the spot was warm, he was sure of that. "Come here and feel, the sofa is warm! It's warm right here where the pig was!"

Kathryn was really getting irritated now. "I don't need to feel it, the sofa is warm from one of the dogs lying on it, that's all. Maybe you saw a dog and thought it was a pig?" She kept talking as she waved him off and finally headed for the kitchen. "I need to get these animals fed, I'll come out to the porch as soon as I feed them and find my PADD!"

Chakotay yelled at Kathryn as she stomped off to the kitchen, "OK, maybe I'm not Old MacDonald, but I know a dog from a pig, Kathryn, and there was a pig here, a gimme an oink oink pig!" Chakotay poured the wine into their glasses on the porch and then started looking around the house for the pig. Finding nothing, he went back out on the porch and started to light the candles as he wondered if you can get some strange disease that causes you to hallucinate from a goat bite.

Kathryn hurried onto the porch as she plopped a bowl and her PADD on the table. "Sorry it took me so long, I forgot where I had put my PADD and had to look all over for it. Come on, lets get going, it's getting late. That's enough candles, Chakotay, if you light any more someone will think we're having a séance or something. Here, I replicated some whipped cream to go with the strawberries. Chakotay, where did you put the strawberries?" she asked as she went to get some throw pillows to make the old glider more comfortable.

"Huh?" he asked as he twiddled with a stubborn candle that refused to light. "This one must have gotten damp or something. I put them on the table next to the wine and the glasses. Go ahead and start, I'll be right there."

Kathryn looked around as she said, "The bowl is here, but it's empty. Don't tell me you ate them all! Oh, Chakotay, they were the last of the ones my sister beamed us! Her brother-in-law grew them, they were fresh, not replicated, and you know what it must have cost to beam them all the way here."

"What?" he asked as he finally gave up on the candle, knowing getting anything to burn was not exactly something he was good at. "I admit I snuck one on the way out here, but that's all." His hand went on his hip as he tweaked an ear lobe. "Kathryn, where did you put them? There is no way I could eat an entire bowl of strawberries after that big dinner or so fast; use a little logic! You!" he said as he grabbed one of the pillows and playfully hit her with it. "You hid them to get back at me for the pig, which I really did see, by the way."

She hit him back with the pillow and hit him again after each word as she said, "WE… DO… NOT… HAVE… A… PIG!" and then finally put the pillow down and took a sip of wine. "Chakotay, why don't you use a little logic? I walked out here with the whipped cream in one hand and the PADD in the other and you were right over there, so how could I possibly have hidden them? I didn't have time or even step away from the table, so do you think I hid them in my pockets or what? Do you want to frisk me?"

"I wouldn't mind," he said as he playfully tried to grab her.

"How dare you!" she giggled as she grabbed a pillow again and he did as well to defend himself as they laughed and fought. She hit him hard square in the butt as he bent over to grab his pillow. "There, that's for your damn invisible pig!"

"It wasn't invisible, I saw it, I swear!" He faked right and hit her left. "That was for hiding the strawberries"

Kathryn swung at him with wild abandon. "No fair using a boxing trick and there is no way I could have hidden them!"

When she dropped her pillow and ran to get another from the chair on the other side of the room, Chakotay chased her, smacking her butt with his pillow the entire way as he taunted, "You did too hide them to get back at me, Kathryn Janeway, I know you did!"

As Kathryn reached to grab the pillow, she suddenly spun around and grabbed Chakotay's away from him. As she backed him into the corner threatening to hit him square in the face, she quipped, "So, maybe your invisible pig ate the strawberries?" As he moved to take the pillow from her she took a mighty swing at his head and lost her grip, sending the pillow flying across the room. Luckily it landed right on the glider, from whence it originally came. Unluckily, right after that it bounced, knocked over a lamp, then finally came to a rest as it hit the bowl of whipped cream and sent it flying. The bowl hit the wall with such force it bounced off and spewed its contents all over the room as it clattered to a halt at Kathryn's feet. "Oh, shit, look what you did," she said as she bent over, picked up the bowl and handed it to him.

"Me!" he yelled as he handed the bowl back to her, "You threw the pillow, my dear, not me!"

She scraped off the whipped cream that had splattered on her shoes. "Well, it was YOUR pillow!"

He just looked at her and all the mess and laughed. "This is your house, so technically all the pillows in it are YOURS and YOU threw the pillow that knocked the bowl off the table and busted a lamp and YOU started the fight in the first place."

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO!"

"NOT!" Kathryn finally sank to her knees laughing. "Well, we seem to be acting like children, so I bet we'll come up with a great story for them. I'm sorry, let's get as much of this scraped up as we can and then I'll go get something to clean up the rest.

They began to scrape up bits of whipped cream from here and there as Chakotay said, "I'm sorry, this is quite a mess. Was that a good lamp, will your mother be upset? I always knew you could bank a pool ball off three sides, but not a paisley pillow off a glider. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No," she laughed, "Only my pride, but I should have known better than to take you on in any 'sport' when I can't use a cue stick or a racquet. Mom hated that lamp, she won't care about it. OUCH! Chakotay, don't pinch me on the butt like that!"

"I didn't" he muttered as he reached under a chair for a glob.

"OWww, stop that!" she screeched even louder this time as she wheeled around… and came face to face with a pink pig.

"Wha….!" Chakotay yelled as he stood up too soon and hit his head on the bottom of the chair. "The pig! The pig, Kathryn, the pig! See, I wasn't lying!" He started carefully backing away slowly as he said, "Don't move, Kathryn, it's growling, it'll attack you. Let me go get a phaser and stun it. Where do you keep your phasers?"

Kathryn laughed as she scratched the pig's ears and said, "It's not going to bite me, see, she's quite tame and very sweet. She's a miniature pig and is nice and clean and has a collar on, so she is obviously somebody's pet. Look, here's a tag. Her name is Poppy and she belongs to Mrs. Hobbins and the address is just down the road. Oh, yes, how could I forget? She's an eccentric old lady who lives alone in that little blue cottage house and keeps small pigs as house pets. Mom says she even dresses them up sometimes and has tea parties for them, apparently she is a bit daft, but sweet. Let me go call her, she is probably worried about Poppy."

Chakotay would not get near the pig, but he suggested, "It's cleaning up all the whipped cream really well, so how about let's wait until it's done before you call her, OK?"

Kathryn pointed out spots of whipped cream for the pig as she picked up the pieces of the lamp and said, "Good idea! Well, I guess we know where the strawberries went and I am very sorry, Chakotay, and I obviously owe you an apology, but I honestly thought you were teasing me when I didn't have time for it. I'm sorry."

"That's OK. I have to admit, my story did not make much sense, but I knew it wasn't a dog and I knew all the dogs and cats were in the kitchen waiting for you to feed them. Kathryn, how the hell did the pig get in the house? I know you put the security system on, I saw you."

"Yes, I did." She thought as she rubbed the pig's back for doing such a good clean up job, then smiled. "I know, through the doggie door! Mrs. Hobbins probably has her pigs trained to use one, you can house train them just like dogs, you know. Poppy probably got out of her yard somehow, wandered over here and came in our doggy door. Mom says her pigs get loose from time to time, usually because she forgets to close a gate or something like that. They wander over here and Mom just puts them in the car and runs them back up there."

Chakotay finally tentatively sat on the arm of a chair, at the ready if the pig decided to attack. "OK, I'll buy that, but how did the pig turn on the cartoons? You saw it, the vid was on and it was off when we left as we haven't watched anything all weekend."

She gave the pig a hug as it finished up and started squealing for more. "Well, you'll have to ask Miss Poppy about that one, but pigs are very intelligent, so she must have turned it on somehow, maybe the old lady taught her how to operate a vid system manually? Oh well, good to know what pigs like to watch and I'm sure she watches way too much at home too."

"It just amazes me how she was able to play hide and seek like that and be so mischievous. Pigs really are that smart?"

"Yes, they are. Well, I know you don't want to get in the car with a pig, so how about you clean up what the pig didn't so I don't have to explain to mom about a pillow fight, whipped cream and a pig after I explain a broken lamp. I will run Poppy home and be back in about ten minutes."

He inched closer. "Kathryn, can you handle that by yourself? I will go with you to help you if you want… I mean, how exactly do you get a pig into a car?"

Kathryn laughed as she tried to tidy her hair. "Generally you just open the car door and toss in a cookie. Look, she's a sweet old lady, but according to Mom, no matter what time of day or night it is, she will insist I stay for tea. I don't have time now, so call me in about ten minutes and say there is some kind of emergency and I have to come right back."

"Like what?" he asked as she ran off to get a leash to put on the pig. "Kathryn, don't leave me here alone with that pig! It's growling, it thinks I have more food. Nice piggy, nice piggy… I don't even eat bacon…. Kathryn!"

"Pigs don't growl!" she laughed as she snapped a dog leash onto the pig's collar. "She's just being friendly, she wants more food, that's all. She is a pig! Oh, call and say…. um…. I know, you can call and say there's no water. No, wait, I used that one last time Mom went over there. I have to go, just think of something! Ten minutes, then call. Come on, Poppy, see you in a few, bye!"

Chakotay followed Kathryn to the door and watched her go down the steps and skip across the yard to her car with a little pink pig on a dog leash. True to her word, when she opened the car door, the pig hopped right in. As he went to the kitchen to get something to clean up the porch, Chakotay noticed Kathryn had left her purse on the kitchen table. He chuckled as he wondered what would happen if the police caught her driving without a license with a pig in the back seat. Chakotay shook his head as he started for the porch as this was rural Indiana and that probably happened all the time.

======/\======

"It's an emergency, we're out of coffee!" Kathryn shrieked in terror as she madly ran around the kitchen.

Chakotay grabbed her and made her stop running. "Don't make fun of me, it was all I could think of. I didn't want to say the house was on fire or something like that. Anyhow, how did I know you'd have the speaker on? Kathryn, quit laughing, you out of coffee does qualify as a level three intergalactic emergency. Don't forget, I have been around you when you didn't have any coffee and, believe me, a shipload of pissed off Klingons would be a piece of cake compared to you."

Kathryn laughed, "You of all people should know about carloads of pissed off Klingons! Relax," Kathryn said as she looked for a place to put away the spiced peaches Mrs. Hobbins had given her to thank her for bringing her pig back. "Mom was right about that old lady, she has about six or eight pigs and some of them did have little dresses or hand knit sweaters on. It was all I could do not to laugh. She's very sweet, but that old cottage looks like a cross between an explosion at a thrift shop and a fine antiques store, talk about organized chaos! Your excuse worked fine, she is obviously somewhat hard of hearing and she thought you said something about the cows got free and not we ran out of coffee. I just went with it and ran out, so it worked fine. She did invite me to tea, so I suppose I will have to go back one day. It might not be so bad, old eccentric ladies like that are often fascinating. Maybe you can come with me, she said my mother told her all about you and she'd like to meet you."

"Look at the time!" Chakotay exclaimed as he checked his watch, only he wasn't wearing one. Let's get back to the porch and get that story written."

Kathryn grinned. "Oh, did I mention she knits too and that Mom gives her homemade alpaca yarn?"

He rushed her along to the porch as he said, "Hurry up, we have a story to write! Author, author! It's late, the pig debacle wasted almost an hour. OK, have any ideas?"

"No, I was hoping you did, you're the story teller." Kathryn replied as she got her wine and PADD and popped her feet up on the coffee table as she thought. Chakotay kept his feet on the floor and gently rocked the glider back and forth as he sipped his wine and thought. "I take it flying nannies are out?"

"Yes, as I said before, that general concept is not original and I don't want to chance getting sued or looking like a plagiarizing idiot. No Delta Quadrant stories either."

He sighed and poured more wine as they were both drinking it quickly. "Pity, Neelix would make such a good story as would Q. Well, we're on a farm and your mom does so much to teach kids about farms, so what about that? You know, like where real eggs and itchy yarn come from and all that."

"Hummm, I'm not so sure about that, it's for preschoolers, so explaining all that wouldn't really be much fun as that's not really a story, it'd be more of a non fiction science lesson, valuable, yes, but not what they asked us for." She took another sip of wine and an idea, or perhaps the wine, brought a smile to her face. "How about little Chakky learns how to ride a pony?"

"Not funny, Kathryn," he replied as he tossed a pillow at her, his hip still sore from his fall.

"Well then, how about little Chakky learns to fly a shuttle or start a campfire?" Kathryn giggled as she threw the pillow back at him.

He had to grin at that one. "Yeah, right, let's teach little kids how to start fires!"

"Not much chance of that happening if you tell 'em how," she quipped as she barely dodged a well aimed pillow and caught it before it knocked over the lamp she had put in place of the one they already broke. Kathryn shook her finger. "Behave, enough damage for one night. Humm, what about bears, I loved teddy bears when I was very young."

"Bears, you wanna give the kids nightmares and how many bears stories are there already? If that's what you want, how about little Chakky gets attacked by a rabid goat, Chakky and the giant wheelbarrow of poo poo or little Katie runs out of coffee? Hey I like the Katie-coffee thing!"

"I don't!" Kathryn quipped. "Anyhow, little kids don't drink coffee, they can't relate."

"When did you start drinking coffee, Kathryn?"

"I gave up breast milk for it. Come on, kids don't want to hear about how I was able to say coffee before I could say mama and dada. I do like the animals angle, most of my favorite stories when I was very young had to do with animals, but I think a good story should teach a little something as well as entertain the kids."

"I agree," Chakotay said with a smile. "Hey, kids! Be careful, goats bite. The end."

"Not funny and Twinkie has never bitten anyone."

"The hell he hasn't! Look here, that's a bite mark!" he said emphatically as he showed her his right hand.

"She, Twinkie is a she, and that's not a bite mark, it's from you climbing up that pole because you were afraid of a cute little nanny goat and a gentle sweet horse who is older than I am!"

"OK, Kathryn, you said no nannies and the goat is out. NO GOATS!"

"OK, OK! Chakotay, a nanny is also a female goat, you know. I think we were onto something, but if you insist, no goats. How about something to do with spirit guides?"

That suggestion seemed to surprise Chakotay a little as he suddenly felt a bit insulted and sat up straight as he put his wine down on the side table and spoke quietly, as if he did not want to be overheard. "Kathryn, spirit guides are not fodder for stories or entertainment, they are a very personal and sacred spiritual matter that we only rarely discuss and only with the people we are very close to. Little children do not know about them yet, they are not taught the rituals until they are old enough to understand them. In fact, you are probably one of the few people from outside the tribe that knows about them and has a spirit guide."

Kathryn put her hand on his arm as she said, "I'm sorry, I know that, I was just brainstorming… throwing out ideas and I did not mean to be disrespectful. I am very honored and grateful that you shared that with me and for all the help my spirit guide has given me over the years. I still talk to her every now and then, you know. What I meant was that some of your tribe's legends and stories suitable for children might be a jumping off point, that's all. When I was little I always enjoyed hearing and making up stories about far away places and exotic people. Did you too?"

Chakotay seemed to recover as he grabbed a piece of candy from the dish and offered some to Kathryn. "Have one, they're good. Sorry, I know you were not being disrespectful, I overreacted. Well, when I was little I was obsessed with Starfleet and I was never more excited than when I saw the uniforms and would rush up to them and ask them to tell me all about their adventures in space. Much to my parents' chagrin, I was way more interested in that than in anything from our culture and was totally focused on Starfleet Academy. You were a science nerd, I was a Starfleet nerd.

"I was NOT a nerd!", she insisted as she drained the last of the wine from the bottle into their glasses. "OK, maybe a little bit of a geek, but definitely not a nerd."

"What's the difference between a nerd and a geek, Kathryn?"

"How many action figures you have? I don't know! Anyhow," she took a big sip of wine and went on. "This wine is excellent, we'll have to get more! Anyhow, there is a painting in my room that my great aunt did for me when I was born of all sorts of odd little people and silly creatures she just made up from her imagination, more than a hundred of them I'd guess. You know, like a blue spotted porcupine princess with golden antlers, slithering banana snakes, the cup cake castle, the bouncy dancing green peas… When I was little, Daddy and I would look at it at my bedtime and then we would cuddle up in bed, Daddy would make up a story about one of the little characters I picked out from the painting and I would be fast asleep in no time." Kathryn closed her eyes for a moment as the combination of the wine, Chakotay's arm around her and childhood memories of story time with her father made her feel peaceful and warm all over. "It was a lot of fun. When I was about twelve or so Mom redecorated my room to be more grown up and she wanted to put that picture away to save for grandkids, but I had a fit and would not let her and, believe it or not, it's still there in the same exact place."

"Really? May I see it, Kathryn?"

"Sure!" she replied as she jumped up and headed for the stairs. "What a great idea, let's look at it, pick out some characters and I bet we can have a great story in no time!" Kathryn stopped and ran back to grab her wine, but there was only a little left, so she finished it in one unladylike gulp. "Ummm, that wine was so good, do we have more?"

Chakotay handed her the rest of his glass. "No, I only brought two bottles, but I think I saw a wine rack in the kitchen, didn't I? Would your mother mind if we opened a bottle of hers? I'll replace it, of course."

"Kathryn polished off Chakotay's glass and giggled. "No, she wouldn't, but we would mind. I can tell you exactly what mom has. She has sherry, that dreadful Bajoran uttaberry wine that she likes, some gooseberry wine she made last summer that's even worse and a couple bottles of horrible cheap burgundy that I'm pretty sure were left over from the party she had when I got promoted to lieutenant. Other than sherry, Mom really isn't a wine drinker. I meant to pick up a couple bottles of good wine when we were in town, but I forgot." She picked up the empty wine bottle and handed it to Chakotay as she suggested, "Why don't you just replicate more of this?"

He grimaced. "Kathryn, you know replicated wine isn't very good compared to the real thing, especially good vintage French wine like this, and we've already had quite a lot, haven't we?"

"Yes, but I need it to fuel my muse!" she giggled as she waved her PADD in the air. "Besides, the way I am now I probably won't even notice it's replicated, so hurry up!" Kathryn ran off down the hall and up the stairs, followed by a couple of Irish Setters. She took the steps two at a time, so she obviously was not all that tired.

Chakotay watched her, again appreciating how good Kathryn looked in jeans. She looked OK in her uniform too, but they really were not all that flattering to a figure like hers. He looked through Mrs. Janeway's wine rack and had to agree with Kathryn that there was good sherry and the rest was probably only fit to unclog drains. Chakotay suddenly remembered a particular wine that did replicate fairly well and ordered up a bottle of that and some chocolate truffles as he put two fresh glasses on a tray. He opened the wine and put that on the tray with the truffles before he headed upstairs, escorted by the cats.

======/\======

Kathryn flew past her aide's desk, grabbing the stack of PADDs on the corner tray that she knew were for her as she said, "Good morning, Rosie, hope you had a good weekend, sorry I'm so late, anything I should know?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Rosie replied as she dashed into Janeway's office behind her, grabbed two PADDs she had dropped and had them, a cup of coffee and a toasted bagel on her desk before Kathryn's butt hit the chair. "You're not late, Captain Janeway, the rest of Starfleet is early, that's all, Ma'am."

Kathryn toasted Rosie with her coffee as she rummaged in her briefcase with her other hand. "I like the way you think, Lieutenant Guisantes! Here, my mother sent this for you. Any calls?"

"Uhhhh, yes, Ma'am," Rosie replied as her trembling hand reached for the package.

Kathryn patted the poor woman on the arm as she handed her the box. "Don't worry, it's not gooseberries, I told Mom you discovered you're 'allergic' to them…. and damn do I wish I were too, horrible sour little green globes of goo! It's a dozen eggs, no gooseberries, I swear. Now, who called?"

Rosie smiled as she gratefully accepted the box. "Thank you Ma'am, thank you very much, we love real eggs, the kids will even eat them!" Rosie sat the box on the corner of Janeway's desk and consulted her PADD. "Well, Ma'am, the list of who isn't looking for you would be shorter. Lieutenant Kim was here standing in the corridor when I got here and he left three PADDs for you and asked if you could call him once you have read them as he's not sure they're exactly what you wanted, Captain T'ang dropped off a PADD and said to call her ASAP as something happened over the weekend you need to know about, the Academy Facilities Manager wants to know exactly how many rooms you will need for the fall symposium series, how long you will need them for, what size and if any special accommodations need to be made and if you want any extra… well, you really would need to talk to him unless you can give me the information to relay, Captain, which I would be glad to do. Admiral Paris called, something about a plaid sofa not showing dirt and paint colors, if that makes any sense, you'll have to ask him, Ystpeth's aide dropped off something marked urgent, which undoubtedly means it isn't, the Commandant's secretary wants to know if you have picked out the cadets from the list yet so that they can schedule the interviews and when do you want them scheduled for because you have to be there too, Espresso Express called and said the coffee maker you ordered is in, do you want to pick it up or have it delivered and to here or your home, Pradha wants to know about your suggestions for reassignment for the Voyager crewmen on the list they sent you last week, Naomi Wildman has invited you to be the guest of honor at her summer camp science fair in July and maintenance came again about your door still rattling sometimes and I told him never mind because it was that bumbling Bolian idiot Chell and he couldn't fix the crack in his butt with a… Oh, pardon, no offense, I know he was a member of your crew, Ma'am."

Kathryn smiled, "No offense taken, I happen to agree with you and I am surprised Starfleet hired him, but at least they don't let him handle food. Trust me, he was even less talented with that!" Kathryn took a gulp of coffee as she handed two PADDs to Rosie. "Here, you can take care these for me, please, just tell them no and make the usual excuses; you're so good at that. Is there anything else, Rosie?" Kathryn asked as she sifted through the PADDs."

"Uh huh, don't forget, dinner meeting with the curriculum committee tonight in private dining room six of the officer's mess at 1800 hours and, oh, your landlord called and said they're real sorry, but they had to tow your car because you were parked in someone else's space again. Do you want me to send someone to go bail out your car?"

Kathryn laughed. "Don't bother, my car is parked in my mother's driveway in Indiana, but you might call them back and let them know that I don't even have a car here and I am still waiting for someone to come and fix the loose tiles in my bathroom. Is that it, Rosie?"

"Yes, Ma'am," she replied as she made notes, "I'll take care of that for you. Unfortunately that's not all, a Lieutenant Casey from Security called, something about a problem with the visas for the Antidians and apparently Matsumoto's office said to talk to you about it, don't ask me why, Ma'am. Mr. Ayala called again about a letter of reference that he said you said you'd write, a reporter from Australia called, but I just referred him to your rep at PR, T'varik wants to ask you about something classified that she would not tell me about, which probably means slip stream drive, not that I know that, and don't forget you have a meeting and photo op with a group of honor cadets at ten, lunch with the people from the Vulcan Science Academy at noon, oh, and both Dranath and Nechayev were here to see you already."

Kathryn sighed and ruffled her hair. "Oh shit, so they both know I was late to work?"

"No Ma'am!" Rosie beamed, "Of course not! I told Dranath you were upstairs with Nechayev and Nechayev that you were in a meeting with Dranath. You know they hate each other and neither would interrupt the other and I know you will be meeting with both of them today sometime, so it wasn't exactly a lie, I was just confused about the time, that's all, and I didn't see you because you got here before I did."

Kathryn smiled. "Damn, I'm glad you're on our side, Guisantes! Oh no, I hear someone out there, so can you please deal with it and give me a chance to get caught up?"

"Of course, Captain Janeway," she replied as she spun on her heels and said, "I'm pretty sure you're in a meeting with someone really important, Ma'am!"

Before Kathryn had even finished sorting the pile of PADDs, her door chime went off. She slipped the plate with her bagel in the drawer, knowing if it was someone her aide let get to the door, they probably had more pips on their collar than she could count. "Come," she commanded as she pulled her computer towards her and spread out the PADDs to look even busier than she already was.

"Sorry, Ma'am, just me again, but I thought you wouldn't mind the interruption for this," Kathryn's aide said as she placed a shiny new espresso machine on the center of her desk. "It was just delivered by a droid, I guess they assumed that's what you wanted, so one less thing to do, Captain Janeway, and it came with a free bag of coffee so you can take it for a test drive right away!" Rosie turned to leave and then spun back around with the grace of a ballerina. "Don't forget, honor cadets in seventeen minutes and, oh, and your mother is waiting on your personal comm channel, Ma'am."

"Thank you Rosie, I don't know what I'd do without you! I remember, photo op, I'll touch up my make up and be ready for the scouts at ten hundred."

"Honor cadets, Ma'am and, no offense, but you might want to run a brush through your hair too, you have some sticking up weird in back."

When her office door finally rattled shut Kathryn, tapped her comm as she fussed with her hair. "Hi, Mom, how are you doing?"

"Fine, Katie, I'm fine, thank you. Mildred went peacefully and I was glad I could be there. Thanks again for babysitting the farm, I really appreciate it. Did you have a good weekend?"

"Oh yes, it was good, but I'm sorry about the mess in the garden, somehow the gate…"

"I know, Dear," Gretchen interrupted, "Chakotay left me a note, Sweetheart, he obviously feels awful about it, but it really isn't all that bad and they didn't hurt the new gooseberries at all, thank goodness."

"Thank goodness!" Kathryn said as she bit her tongue before anything else came out of her mouth. "Oh, we're almost out of straw, but I ordered fifty bales from the co-op, and I'm sorry about the lamp on the porch, I knocked it over by accident."

Gretchen held up a note and waved it at the screen. "That's odd, Dear, Chakotay says he broke it."

Kathryn smiled, "Well, we kind of both did and I'm sorry. Oh, one of Mrs. Hobbins' pigs got out again and got into the house, so you may want to see about getting a more secure pig proof doggie door or something. Mom, I have a bunch of scouts or something coming in a few minutes and, as you can see, I need to fix my face before they get here, so let me call you back later, OK?"

"OK. Oh, Katie, did you and Chakotay get your story for the children's book finished? I'd love to read it, Sweetie, did you leave it here for me to read and I missed it? Where is it, what's it called?"

Kathryn fumbled through her purse looking for a lipstick as she replied, "Not exactly, Mom, we didn't get around to writing the story, I'm afraid. Don't worry, we still have time, we'll get it done. Mom, I really do have to go."

Gretchen smiled as she nodded. "Katie, would the reason why you didn't get it done have anything to do with why your bed is broken and your mattress is lying on the floor?"

Kathryn smiled and blushed. "It might, Mom, but you did tell me to see how sturdy it was, didn't you?"

"I did, and I am so glad you finally started listening to me, Sweetheart. Have a good day Katie, give my love to Chakotay and I am sure the story you and Chakotay started over the weekend will have a very happy ending!

THE END

1205.08


End file.
